


My Name is Kara Zor-El, Not Kara Danvers!

by KryptoniteKid (Nanarchy)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, I haven't decided, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Protective Alex Danvers, Red Kryptonite, brotps all day, maybe smut later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-24 20:26:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14362995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanarchy/pseuds/KryptoniteKid
Summary: NOTHING NON CONSENSUAL ACTUALLY HAPPENS!But when Kara gets exposed to red kryptonite, Lena fears for her safety. She successfully gets the wayward hero the cure she needs, but she and Kara are both shaken by Kara's actions in the aftermath.This leads to a re-evaluation and an evolution of their relationship. Alex supports her sister, Maggie supports her girlfriend, and Lena Luthor bonds with J'onn J'onzz. Kara Zor-El confronts Kara Danvers, and Kara Danvers is forced to analyze the parts of herself she has been repressing for the betterment of her own future and her future with Lena.





	1. Exposure

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Kara almost rapes Lena in ch 1 (Lena manages to stop it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably has grammatical errors, because I barely edit, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. This is the chapter with the non-con part, and it gets kind of intense. If you want to skip over it, scroll down when Kara grabs Lena's butt, and look for the part where Kara and Lena go talk to Alex. And I'll put a little synopsis in the end notes for you. I don't want anyone to get triggered by this.

Supergirl was finishing her patrol when the dart hit her. She was standing groundside, instead of flying, after stopping an armed robbery in a convenience store, waiting for the police. She heard a quiet _pew_ and smirked. Then she felt a small sting and her mouth dropped open in surprise. She could catch or dodge bullets, but she hadn’t seen this darts familiar red glow and processed what that meant until it was already poking into her shoulder. By then, she didn’t care. She took the dart out and pocketed it. Her earpiece connecting her to the DEO followed it. She smiled at the shooter, who grinned back at her.

 

“I have a proposition for you. I think you might like it. Care to go somewhere and talk?”

 

She super-sped to stand directly in front of him, hopefully in his personal bubble, and didn’t speak.

 

He faltered. He recovered quickly, but Supergirl could hear the frantic beat of his heart.  
 

“My name is Ryan Borkowski. I own a collection of software firms and I’ve recently acquired a robotics and engineering company. I think we could change the face of technology forever, together.”

 

She heard sirens approach. She didn’t want to deal with police right now, so she picked him up bridal style. She could have simply lifted him from around the torso, but she wanted him to feel small and weak. She enjoyed reminding arrogant humans of their own weakness. She was the most powerful thing on the planet. It was not ok with her when they forget that. She dropped onto the top of Catco and placed him in front of her.

 

She waved a hand, palm up, in an inviting gesture. “Continue what you were saying.”

 

“You have access to alien technology. I have a stem conglomerate that, with your help, would make L Corp look like blockbuster video. In exchange, I make personalized gear for you and help you finish the Luther family once and f-”

 

She rushed forward, and then he was screeching and tugging futilely at her wrists. Her fingers were placed on either side of his skull, pressing gently. She could hear the bone creak in protest.

 

“I’m using next to no pressure to hold you here. It would actually be _easier_ to squeeze than it is to hold back. I live on a planet of bubbles and balloons and they don’t pop only because _I don’t want them to_.” She snarled viciously. “If you ever approach me with a threat against Lena Luthor again, you will make me _want_ to pop your brain.”

 

Then she left him there, clutching his bruised skull and flew to L Corp. Lena was sitting at her desk, still working at 9:30. She stood on the balcony for a bit, watching her quietly go about her work. She was making red notes in the margins of blueprints for some gadget that probably weighed .05 ounces and was absolutely vital to the internal operations of a top-of-the-line jet engine or life-saving medical machine. Kara smiled. _No one on this planet deserves you_. No one on the planet deserved Kara. She’d known this for a while- and Kara Danvers had denied Lena and Kara Zor-El this union. But Kara Danvers was gone, now.

   

 

Lena was looking revising the blueprints for a stronger, more lightweight motor for a drone designed to fly food into famished warzones. Someone from UNISEF had called to explain they’d need it early, so now it was fast tracked and she was working until 9:30pm. She’d only just finished it up when she heard tap of boots on her balcony. She smiled to herself. She decided not to turn around. She would allow Supergirl to come to her. She wouldn’t admit to it, but she liked the feeling of those eyes on her, it gave her a warm glow in her belly.

 

She emailed the revisions to the engineer in charge of the project as she waited. But then no footsteps sounded. No voice announced her presence. The warm feeling in Lena's stomach cooled to worry and she spoke to end the other woman's ominous silence.

 

“Are you here on business, Supergirl, or do you see something you like?” She smirked to herself. It worked on Kara, and Supergirl may feign disinterest, but she knew she was blushing. Or not, because warm fingers cupped her chin, pulling her head to look up at her.

 

“The second one, Lena Luthor,” She said softly.  And for a second, Lena's heart leapt, because it seemed like something was finally happening, but when she really took in her face-Kara wasn’t there. That nervous cool in her stomach deepened to a heavy, cold, writhing mass. She stood on shaky legs and faced Kara. She wasn't sure what to do. Her phone was in her pocket. She felt an inexplicable urge to call Agent Danvers. 

 

“That’s surprisingly forward, Supergirl, where is this coming from?” She kept her voice steady, her posture strong, demeanor aloof. The calculated pose of a female CEO in a male -dominated industry, a pariah in a Luthor-hating world. She screamed inwardly at using this mask on Kara.

 

“Just finally working up the balls to face what we’ve been dancing around for too long.”

 

“Define that for me?” Lena challenged.

 

“A Luthor and a Super working together- you said that once. There’s something I never told you about your brother. Something Superman and I have always understood. Something I know you understand too.”

 

Lena was truly panicking now. While she spoke, Kara's fingers had spidered out to cup her cheek, she had stepped forward so she was pinning Lena to her desk, her other hard moved forward to grip her hip. Lena was being held in a strangers immensely powerful hands, and all she knew was that she wanted to talk about Lex.

 

“Is this something I want to hear?” She whispered. 

 

“It’s relevant. Your brother may have committed despicable crimes. He may have been Kal-El’s arch nemesis, but he was _Superman's_ arch nemesis. And that's respectable. No one's intellect was great enough to challenge my cousin as your brothers was and that’s impressive. The Luthor mind is impressive. You’re impressive,” Her voice was low, and slow, and dangerous. Her hands were moving to more entirely encircle Lena. Red flashed in her eyes. Suddenly, everything clicked in Lena's mind, and her panic doubled again. 

 

“Kara, have you been exposed to red kryptonite?” She almost whispered it, squirming as though trying to distance herself from the words, trying to anticipate a completely unpredictable response. 

 

The response was a delighted smile so wide it hurt to see, because it was Kara's smile when she saw her sister, or Lena for the first time in a long time, or when Lena did something to make her happy. It was Lena’s favorite smile, it meant Kara loved something. Sometimes Lena had to work very hard to put it there. But it shouldn't be present now. Kara wouldn’t love this.

 

“You figured it out,” she whispered affectionately. “Of course you figured it out. Here I am, saying how smart you are, and I still manage to underestimate you. You’re so impressive, Lena.” She repeated. It was the second time she said it, and Lena wondered why that was. It was hard to be anything but frozen in fear, but curiosity was a tool she could to figure this Kara out. If Kara Danvers was in there, Lena would dig relentlessly to reach her. They would connect. They always connected. 

 

“Usually when your cousin is on red kryptonite, he disappears to go play for a while. What gives? What brings you to my office, just to sing praises to my intellect?”

 

Kara's smile grew, and both hands reached behind to cup Lena’s butt. Oh, God, Kara, no!

 

“That’s not all I want to sing praises to,” She husked. Lena had to figure herself out of this. She wouldn’t recover if Kara raped her. They wouldn’t recover. They’d both waited, avoided their feelings for too long. Now it was this foreign version of Kara trying to take what she wanted. Lena was suddenly furious- at herself, and Kara. They both pretended they didn’t know so many things about each other. Now, this version of Kara was going to take so many firsts, so much honesty, from them. They needed a fuller conversation about Kara's secret- Lena needed answers. They needed to decide _together_ that they wanted a sexual relationship. Fuck. Did Lena even have Agent Danvers in her phone? Yes, but so did Kara- she was willing to bet she had her sister on speed dial. If she could steal the phone and call Agent Danvers- No. Super senses. Kara would hear her sister answer and hang up. And password protection. Fuck!

 

“Well now that we've finally gotten to the big reveal, I think I get what I want before you get what you want,” Lena whispered seductively. Distract her. “You lied to me for so long,” She pouted. Kara lifted Lena onto her desk, and forced her legs apart before bringing their bodies back together so Lena was straddling her. Lena swallowed hard. Kara could no doubt feel the trembling in her legs- hopefully she thought it was arousal, not fear. God, there was arousal, too. How many times had she imagined this exact scenario- Kara flying into her office just to fuck her on her desk. But the integral given in that scenario was that they were a couple and they’d had sex before. Kara brought her face so close to Lena's, she thought she was going to kiss her, but Kara brushed her lips to her ear, instead.

 

“And what is it you want?” Good, maybe she’d take the bait. 

 

“Answers,” She gasped. Kara dropped her head to Lena's shoulder and groaned. 

 

“No fair! Rao, baby, I want you so bad!”

 

“Why is coming to my office to seduce me the thing you are doing on red kryptonite?” Lena demanded. “Why did you not tell me you’re Supergirl for so long?”

 

Kara looked at her, furious, and red flashed through her face again. Then she shook her head and chuckled. “Rao, you turn me on. I’m so frikkin’ whipped for you, you have no idea. OK, fine. I won’t fuck you senseless until I’ve answered your questions.” 

 

Relief flooded her and she tried to scoot out of Kara's grasp. Kara tightened her grip.

 

“Oh, no you’re not going anywhere. I’ve waited too long, Kara Danvers made me wait too long for you- I can’t let go of you. You’re mine.” She growled possessively. “But I’ll talk.”

 

“Kara Danvers?” Lena asked, “In the 3rd person? Who is Kara Danvers? Who are you right now?” 

 

“Kara Danvers is the mask. She’s just an illusion. I am Kara Zor- El. I was raised on Krypton, I was sent here to protect my cousin, I watched my entire world be razed to the ground and I was sent thousands of light years away to live in a world I knew nothing about. Kara Danvers is the _assimilation_ , born of fear and self-preservation. I am the _Kryptonian_.” Her eyes bore into Lena's, and Lena saw agony- and pride- in them when she spoke of Krypton. Lena's hands, which had been pushing desperately at Kara's shoulders, trying to keep some distance, wound sympathetically around her neck. 

 

“Why did Kara Danvers keep us apart? Why did she hide you from me?” This was fine, Lena could do this. She could talk about her best friend to her best friend's alter ego's evil alter ego. She could do that. She needed to keep her talking, until she figured out how to contact Alex Danvers. If Kara Danvers didn't like Lena's snooping, well, she'd lied in the first place, and put them in this situation, and Lena was a little angry at her right now.

   

And she _needed_ answers. If this Kara wanted to explain things, Lena wasn’t strong enough to _not_ ask questions. She’d try to avoid anything physical, for them. But she was only human.  
   

“Kara Danvers is selfish. She wants you all to herself. If Supergirl gets her hands on you, you’re too smart and resourceful of a potential ally to keep you out of that world. Until now, you just belonged to Kara Danvers. But Kara's weak, inhibited. She won’t let me touch you. Not telling a friend a secret, that's one thing, but keeping a _whole secret identity_ from your _girlfriend_ , that's just unforgivable. So you don’t get to know the truth and we don’t get to be together because then everything Kara loves belongs to me. But she doesn’t understand that a silly tabloid journalist who’s afraid of her own shadow doesn’t deserve you. She doesn’t deserve anything. She’s nothing, just a cover. And I will no longer stand for an abstract concept of my own creation keeping Zhrae-Hiim from me. We will be _everything_ together.”  
   

“What did you just say?” Kara had lost herself in the rant. Lena was strangely relieved and even a little flattered at the reasoning behind the lie. She let Kara go on, but Kara had been talking more to herself than to Lena at the end.  
   

“We belong together. Were perfect for each other. We have the capacity to change the world-”  
   

“No, that word you said. Is it Kryptonian?”  
   

“Zhrae- Hiim!” She yelped, Lena nodded.  
   

“It's a throne room in a castle.” She nodded as though this explained everything. And Lena was, for the first time during this interaction, so confused that she forgot to be afraid.  
   

“Kara Danvers doesn’t want you to have a throne room?” She tilted her head and blinked. Kara scrunched her nose and laughed. Then, for the first time since she’d placed her fingers under Lena's chin, she backed away. She began pacing and talking with her hands. Lena slid off her desk to stand. This was important information. Keep Kara talking about Krypton. It distracted her.  
   

“It’s idiomatic. A throne room in a castle, in Kryptonian culture- we had a feudal thing, too, for a while. Similar to yours, actually. We're so fascinatingly similar, our species. A throne room was about the size of a ballroom. It's where battles were planned, meals were eaten, parties were had- it was where every important- and minute- function of whoever lived in that castle was decided on, planned. Like, you guys say a kitchen is the heart of a home? Zhrae-Hiim was the heart _and_ the brain of a castle. And there is a smaller version of a Zhrae-Hiim in homes, too, like a mix between a parlor, a dining room, and an office. In the average Kryptonian household, people would spend about 25% of their time there, the whole family, together, bring their work home with them, sit all together, help the kids with homework. A lot of my childhood was spent that way. It's the place I remember best, besides my own bedroom." Her eyes grew watery, but she shook her head and started again.  
 

"There was one castle, once, when we first invented um… well, it’s a _trebuchet,_ you guys call it- another thing we both had. The giant war slingshot thing? It throws big rocks? It took out the throne room. The whole room was a big wide room on a skinny neck- impressive feat of engineering, back then. But ultimately, it's own demise. A boulder took out the neck, a foundational point in the structure and the whole thing crumbled. That castle was never repaired. It became a symbol to us of a thing becoming so broken it can never serve it's function again. The castle wasn’t lived in anymore. They built a whole new one, with a better protected Zhrae-Hiim."

  
When a Kryptonian says someone is their Zhrae-Hiim, it means that they are the missing link, kind a soulmate thing, they help each other grow, achieve their goals, they complement each others duty. Its- wow, explaining this to a human makes me realize exactly how layered the idiom is- Kryptonians are dutiful. Work is our life. We spend our childhood deciding what we’ll do for work, and the rest of our lives doing whatever duty we’ve chosen and we’re happy and proud of that. I was so fucked up when I got here and realized Clark didn’t need me. I had no function, served no purpose… Anyway. Digression. When we choose a life partner, we choose the person who works well with us. Who will take our function, our duty, help us accomplish it and even transcend what we originally hoped to accomplish. I have knowledge of science and the universe that would make your theoretical physicists go mad. I have alien tech that, if reverse-engineered, would propel human society hundreds of years into the future in a matter of decades. And you-” 

 

Suddenly she was in front of Lena gain, but this time, she was lovingly brushing strands of Lena's hair out her face.  
“You have a _formidable_ IQ, and a technology empire that could reverse engineer all my crazy space shit. That's how well we work together. We would transcend our functions.” She looked very serious now. And Lena was terrified again- this time of everything- because of how much she understood that and wanted all it too. Kara just looked at her softly for a minute.

 

“If my parents met you, and saw us together, they’d be _furious_ that we’re just friends. They’d want to know what I was thinking, keeping you at arms length. They wouldn’t understand why weren't married yet.” Kara leaned forward, and the whole monologue had felt so deeply honest, Lena forgot what was happening for a second, but remembered just before their lips touched. Then it was hard to resist, she was so _tired_ of having to resist. But she put a hand on Kara's chest and leaned back. Kara halted, looking hurt and confused.

 

“I want to kiss you,” Lena said quickly, and Kara cupped her jaw with both hands, but Lena's hand pressed again, resistant. 

 

“But I need to talk to Kara Danvers first.” 

 

Kara just rolled her eyes, “I thought I told you she doesn’t exist.”

 

“She thinks she does. I thought she did.”

 

“What's that matter now? You have me,” Kara grabbed Lena again, moving them both back to the desk.

 

“I said I wanted answers and I still do. From her.” Kara growled and shoved her leg between Lena's. A hand began to wander down, the other bunched her blouse at the small of her back. 

 

“I can smell you, and I don’t really have the self-control for all this right now,” Kara warned. Lena grabbed the wandering hand before it reached its destination. She was in dangerous waters now. She was about to bank on something she really couldn’t be certain of. 

 

“Do you want to rape me?” 

 

Kara looked at her, shocked. “What? No!” 

 

“I am not consenting to this Kara Zor-El. I need to talk to Kara Danvers.”

 

“I know how wet you are Lena Luthor, I can smell you. You want this.”

 

“I’m saying no, Kara. Not forever, just until I speak to Kara Danvers. I want you, and I’ll let you have me, but there are things I need to hear from her.”

 

“There's _no such thing_ as Kara Danvers, Lena. Anything you need to know, I can tell you. Is this because of the kryptonite? Because it's not as bad as it seems. I just takes away inhibitions, it doesn’t make me a different person. It actually makes you far more true to yourself. Like Clark is secretly a party boy who doesn’t want to Do All The Good all the time. I’m secretly a highly advanced space alien that is absolutely _obsessed_ with you. Come on, Lena. Don’t do this. Don’t think I’m different, now. I’m more me than I’ve ever been. It’s like you’re meeting me for the first time. Be happy!”

 

“Kara, I believe you. This isn’t because I’m afraid of you. This is because I’m angry at Kara Danvers. She kept you from me. You’re right.” Lena didn’t actually know where she was going with this, she had no idea how she was going to play this. She was trying to talk a captor into letting her go. 

 

“We’ll be together. I’ll bring you back. We’ll get our hands on some more red kryptonite, and I'll make sure you get it. But I am not going to kiss you or sleep with you until I’ve had a conversation with your alter ego. She’s the person I fell in love with, she the one who lied to me. She’s going to introduce me to you, and I’ll help her make the change from wasted potential to most powerful being on earth. And you will have me. But if you don’t do what I’m asking, it’ll be rape. And that will destroy me. You’ll never have me again, after that. Even if you force yourself on me. Even if you keep me locked somewhere and take me whenever you want.”

 

Kara entire face was now flushed unnaturally red. “You are so wrongheaded right now, Luna Luthor. I am a _god_. You should be _thanking_ me for wanting you. You should be on your knees, _worshipping_ me. You should be offering yourself to me. You have no clue how powerful I am.”

 

“You can make me do all those things and destroy what we have together or you can let me talk to Kara Danvers and I will give you everything you ask for and more. Kara Zor-El, give me what I want and I promise I’ll give you what you want. I will not deny you. I don’t want to. I want you. But I need to talk to Kara Danvers.”

 

Lena found herself on her back, on the desk, with one of Kara's arms holding her down by the chest and the other gripping her thigh very close to it's apex with Kara's teeth at her throat. The tiny part of her that wasn’t terrified was ready to give in. The rest of her was horrified, she knew they’d never be Kara and Lena again if this happened. Neither of them would truly trust Kara with Lena again.

 

“I could do it, you know. I could do just what you said, I could make you my pet and keep you whether you like it or not. I don’t need your permission. And I can literally _smell_ \- and _hear_ \- and _see_ how much you want me. I can smell you, and your heart is _pounding_ , your skin is hot and flushed and you’re _trembling_. You’ve already given me permission. Nothing’s stopping me from just taking you right now- not even you! Just your misguided desire to talk to a _figment of my imagination_!” She snarled against Lena’s throat. Lena was beginning to accept that this plan was going to fail.

 

“Yes, you can do all that. But then you’d have a pet, a toy- a broken one at that. Not a Zhrae-Hiim. Not a partner, not a match,” It was her last ditch attempt. It was reputed that you couldn’t reason with red kryptonite.

 

Suddenly Lena was tossed roughly to the side, and Kara plunged her fist through Lena's desk and roared. Lena backed away to the wall, fumbling in her pocket for her phone. She unlocked it and went to her contacts, looking for Alex Danvers. Kara ripped it from her hands and scooped Lena up in her arms and flew them somewhere. She touched down into a base of some kind and stormed inside with Lena still in her arms. It looked like an old office. Winn and Alex Danvers were both there, and a handful of people Lena didn’t recognize.

 

“K-Supergirl! Where the hell have you been? Lena Luthor?!”

 

Kara didn’t speak. She just looked furious.

 

“Kara has been exposed to red kryptonite.” Lena explained. Alex’s jaw dropped to the floor.

 

“Oh, Jesus, not you too! Kara, you have to stop _telling_ people!”

 

“THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE TO HIDE! People should know my true name and WORSHIP ME!” 

 

Everyone in the room jumped. Lena struggled desperately to get out from her grasp, but Kara kept her locked in her arms. Alex seemed to realize now the danger Lena was in. Lena calmed, and tried to speak evenly.

 

“Agent, she’s a little sensitive about Kara Danvers right now. Maybe if you explain that I just want to have a conversation with Kara Danvers and afterwards we can give Kara Zor-El the red k she wants,” She looked fiercely at Alex, willing her to roll with the bluff. 

 

Alex just looked like she was struggling to decide what part of Lena suggesting that to be gobsmacked by first. "Give her  _back_ the red kryptonite? That she is on right now?"

 

"She's enjoying the kryptonite, and she'd like access to it in the future, but she's agreed to come down for now," Lena spoke mildly, but her eyes widened pointedly.  _Come on, Agent, work with me here._

 

“Kara, what's going on here?”

 

"I finally feel like myself again, Alex. And I've finally admitted my love for Lena," Alex looked a bit like she was being strangled. "She is my Zhrae-Hiim, and we are going to rule the world together." Kara offered proudly.

 

Alex cocked her head at Lena. “It’s a Kryptonian idiom, the words literal meaning is throne room. We can get to that later. For now, Agent Danvers, do you have any way for me to speak to Kara Danvers?” She tried her best to sound calm and dignified as she asked Agent Danvers- who thought she was an evil villainess- for a red k antidote and tried to not make a big deal of the love confession that went along with that. She’d analyze later whether she succeeded in any capacity. 

 

Alex nodded dumbly, mouth still open. 

 

“Go now, Alex, Lena won’t have sex with me until she’s had a conversation with a character I made up to pass myself off as human.” Kara Zor-El rolled her eyes, letting her sarcasm show Lena how petty she found her demand. Alex's mouth snapped shut and she ran into another room before reappearing with a gun.

 

“Put her down or you’ll drop her, Kara.” Kara's grip tightened for a second before she allowed Lena's feet to find the floor. Lena tried to walk at a normal pace to stand behind Alex. Then Alex was pointing a very strange gun at Kara, who stood impatiently, trying to glare at everyone in the room simultaneously. The gun whirred to life and a red laser caught Kara in the chest, remained on her for about 3 seconds before Kara slumped to the ground, unconscious. Alex powered the gun down. An eerie red mist floated out of Kara's body.

 

“Does that mean it worked?” Lena asked. Alex looked at her. She clearly had a lot she wanted to say, but she just nodded. Lena leaned down to try to wake Kara up. It took a minute, but her eyelids fluttered open eventually and she let out a moan.

 

“Lena?” She blinked, taking her in. She reached for her glasses, looked down at her suit. Lena watched her mentally calculate how to act. Lena put her hand on her back as Kara shifted to a seated position.

 

“Kara what do you remember of what just happened?” That halted her attempt at façade. Kara blinked once and then her eyes widened at Lena. Her lip began to tremble. Kara curled herself into an  upright fetal position. “I’m sorry, Lena,” She whimpered. “I sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I tried to-”

 

“You didn’t try to- you tried not to, actually. You allowed me to make you bring me here. As for the rest of it, we can discuss that later.”

 

“I was going to tell you but it would mean everything would change-”

 

“I know your reasoning now. I understand why you were afraid to want-” 

 

“Love.” Kara interjected.

 

“What?” 

 

“You said want, if we’re trying for honesty right now-”

 

“Actually, Kara, can we get up off the ground and get some rest before we finish this? On the ground with agents watching after they had to subdue you isn’t where I want to hear this for the first time.” 

 

“Oh, crap! Yes, of course. Do you- are you comfortable with me flying you home or would you like my sister to drop you off?”

 

“All of my things are still at my office. Including the keys to my house.”

 

“OK…”

 

“And my building is locked and the balcony door is open.”

 

“Oh, right!”

 

Lena watched, tense, as Kara picked her up again. But it wasn’t possessive, this time. It was exceedingly careful and nervous. It was her Kara, and it almost put her at ease.

 

“So… you guys are just going to leave now without any explanation? How’d Lena find out? Why were you on red k?” 

 

“I’ve known since she saved me from falling from my office balcony. She smelled like herself and I noticed the scar on her eyes. And recognized her voice. And her whole face, despite its shrewd lack of glasses. And then I spent the rest of our time knowing each other having Kara prove me right over and over, by, ya know… continuing to smell and sound like her, and never be in the same room as one another. Um, need I go on?”

 

Kara looked abashedly at her, then Alex, who glared pointedly back.

 

“It works for Superman!” 

 

“Actually, it doesn’t, Lex knows who he is, too…”

 

“Why were you on red k, Kara?”

 

“Yes, actually, that's very worrisome-”

 

"Did Lena give it to you?”

 

“Oh, for the love of God!” Lena could help but roll her eyes.

 

No one in the room had said anything to them, everyone seemed shocked by this sudden interaction. 

 

“No, Alex, and don’t worry, I’ll be back to explain, I just need to get Lena home now.”

 

“Actually, Kara, how did you end up on red kryptonite? I’d say that does actually take precedence.”

 

“Oh, some two-bit wannabe fat-cat guy wanted me to work with him to take down L Corp-”

 

“What? What’s his name?”

 

“Someone _dosed_ you?!”

 

“I don’t remember, he owns… like software or robotics… something.... I didn’t really listen to him, and then he immediately offered me assistance in ‘taking down the Luthors once and for all’ and I got protective of you and threatened to pop his brain if he ever comes near you. He’s obviously a competitor of yours, I think that’s what he wanted with me.”

 

“We need more information on him, who is this competitor, if he’s willing to give you red kryptonite- wait, why does he think red kryptonite would make you want to go into business with- Wait, _pop his brain_?”

 

“Well, he immediately brought up destroying you. I think he thought I had some deep dark desire to kill you, and was trying play off of that  to make me give him stuff he needs to crush a competitor.”  
   

“If he’s making tech that can harm a super, we need to bring him in-”

   

 

“Kara, if we aren’t leaving put me down.”

 

“Oh, sorry!” Lena was placed on her feet again, and Alex’s anger at Lena’s presence seemed revitalized. 

 

“Kara, you need to get her out of here before we continue this conversation.”

 

“Really, Agent Danvers? Because if this man is my business competition, not only do I have a right to know, but I probably know who- and probably where- he is. I should be in the loop,” Lena argued.

 

Kara nodded firmly, “I agree, Lena has proved time and again she’s not her family. It's time to let this go. She has kept this secret since shortly after we met. Even when she was with CADMUS- oh, your mom knows who I am, by the way-”

 

“How?!” 

 

“Dunno, she just does.”

 

“OK, seriously, I’m making you a mask!”

 

“Hey, Kara, can we focus? What was his name?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, I was barely tuned in- umm.. Chav- browski Bar- krov- ski? Umm.. Chad? ...Mike? Umm… I don’t know some generic first name and Russian sounding last name. He mentioned Lena and suddenly he wasn’t much of a priority anymore. I’m sorry, I know you need more, but I didn’t care about him at the time. I just wanted to get to Lena,”

 

“OK, and… Kara when did this happen? How did I not know you and Lena are a thing?”

 

Lena and Kara looked at each other. Kara just looked lost, so Lena stepped in.

 

“There’s not really an easy answer to that right now,” She spoke slowly, unsurely. Kara and Lena maintained eye contact even while Lena talked to Alex.

 

“We aren’t a thing… yet? We haven’t really admitted to anything until tonight.”

 

Alex fixed them both with a searching glare. “Do you want there to be?”

 

“Yes,” They answered in unison, before snapping their necks to stare at the other in surprise and turn quickly back to Alex.

 

The other agents- who had been there and quiet the whole time- prodded each other. Winn was included in the background, staring dumbly, head jerking from one speaker to the next. The room buzzed quietly at the admission.

 

“You seem confused by that,” 

 

“Lena is probably not entirely sure of what she means to me. Some things I said while I was on it probably muddied some things,” Kara said.

 

“Oh, please, Kara, you looked just as shocked!” Lena protested.

 

“Yea, because you’re an immensely successful CEO and an incredible person and until I figured out you knew about me, I was just a reporter at some silly magazine and totally not worthy of you! Wait… did you only begin to have feelings for me after you found out-”

 

“Kara Danvers, if you accuse me of that we are going to _fight_ right now!” Lena warned. Alex’s hand jumped to her gun but Kara just waved her away.

 

“You're right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“I could ask you the same thing, you know. I used to think you liked me despite my last name but you seemed pretty into my ‘Luthor Mind,’ I think you called it?”

 

“No! That was the kryptonite talking!”

 

“Kara what the hell did you guys do while you were on kryptonite?!”

 

Kara suddenly looked very small and very ashamed. Lena didn’t know whether to back Kara up or leave her to face her sister. Kara was shuffling her feet, avoiding ALex's expectant glare.  
   

“She got thirsty,” Lena supplied dryly. Kara kind of choked something between a laugh and a squeak of protest and Alex looked confused for maybe the hundredth time that night.  
   

“Like for… water?”  
   

“Oh, or maybe alien booze?” Winn spoke up for the first time that night, trying to be helpful. Kara eyes went to the audience and suddenly her whole face flushed. She whipped her head to Lena as though to ask if she’d noticed the audience.

   

“Did you seriously not notice them standing around? How do you manage to save the world with those observation skills?”  
   

“An entire team of people telling her what to do,” Winn spoke again. "Hi, Lena!" Lena gave him a smile and a small wave.  
   

“What did you do on red kryptonite, Kara?” Alex demanded again.  
   

Kara looked overwhelmed, and looked to Lena. “Do you want to go home now, Lena?” She almost sobbed, obviously looking for an out. Lena gave it to her, not really wanting to answer this particular question either. She nodded, wrapping her arms around Kara's neck, allowing herself to be picked up again.

   

“Wait! Kara, answer me!”  
   

“I will, Alex. I’ll be back. I just need to go right now.” And Kara was finally actually lifting off, out the door and into the sky, grimacing a guilty smile at Lena as though afraid Lena may scold her.  
   

Lena just dropped her head to Kara's shoulder exhaustedly, closing her eyes so she didn’t have to look at the ground. Presently, they touched down on her balcony.  
   

When they walked inside, the first thing they saw was Lena's broken desk. Oh, yea. Lena had forgotten about that. There was a big hole in the middle of it. They both went to it. Kara touched the white splinters, ripped one away.  
   

“How badly did I scare you?” She asked softly.  
   

“Fear is only one of the myriad feelings that went through me tonight.” Lena answered evasively.  
   

“I’m so sorry, Lena.”  
   

“I’m going to get my things and text my driver-”  
   

Kara was holding the remains of her phone with a guilty expression. Lena just nodded. Oh yea. That too. Lena put it in her purse anyways. Oh, well. She didn’t actually want to be alone anyways. Seeing Kara corrupted made her fear to let her out of her sight, despite kind of wanting alone time to process all of this.  
   

“Fly me home?” She sighed.  
   

“Of course,” Kara complied. Lena kept her face buried in Kara's neck during the flight. (This was probably how she would fly with Kara every time from now on.) She breathed in her scent. _This is stupid_ , Lena thought. She was taking refuge in Kara even when it was Kara who had scared her.

 

When they touched down on Lena's doorstep, Lena fished her keys out and opened the door. She was halfway to her bathroom with her purse thrown on the counter and her heels tossed somewhere in the living room before she realized Kara was still at the door. Lena summoned her with an emotionless wave of her hand.  
   

“Sleep with me tonight. Not like that- we still need to talk, but… I don't want to let you out of my sight.” Exhaustion was starting to overwhelm her. She couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t express herself. A more awake, more self-aware part of Lena probably didn’t approve of admitting that. A more awake version of herself wouldn’t think that at all, actually. Kara seemed to be equally exhausted, nodding dumbly and following Lena's lead without speaking at all. Lena pointed to her shower. “Your suit is dirty, put it in the hamper when you get out. I’ll get you something to sleep in.”  
   

Kara was almost all the way out of the suit before Lena closed the door. They seemed immune to exposition right now. Kara must have used superspeed because she was back outside, in wet hair and a towel within 2 minutes. Red and blue sailed across her room and into the laundry. Lena shoved a tank top and booty shorts at her and walked into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she got back to her room, Kara was sitting cross-legged on the bed. She looked unsurely at Lena. “Where-?”  
   

“Under the covers,” Lena ordered wearily. She was getting bossier as she got more tired, but Kara didn’t seem to know what to do with herself, so it was easier this way for both of them. They crawled into bed. Lena immediately made a pillow of Kara's chest and slung a leg over both of Kara's.  
   

“Zra-Hil?” She murmured sleepily.  
   

“Zhrae-Hiim,” Kara corrected. “That wasn’t the kryptonite talking.”  
   

Lena hummed in response. She’d unpack that in the morning. With Kara's hand playing in her hair, she let sleep overtake her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-con synopsis: Kara tries to 'seduce' Lena, but under the influence of red k it is rough, demanding, and Lena doesn't want to sleep with Kara while she's not in her right mind. Lena has to talk herself out of Kara's clutches. She begins by asking Kara questions. Kara isn't happy about the distraction, but after admitting she's 'so whipped' for Lena, she obliges, and ends up telling Lena that Lena is her soulmate, what they refer on Krypton as a 'Zhrae-Hiim.' It's literal definition equates to throne room, but idiomatically it means the most important part of what makes you who you are. Kryptonians mate for life, and Kara has found her other half in Lena. But her explanation is garbled, and Lena is distracted trying to figure out how to overpower Kara, so she doesn't get a better explanation than that. Kara tries again to seduce Lena, and becomes enraged when Lena says she needs to talk to Kara Danvers, rather than Kara Zor-El, before they are physical. (I forgot to get to this: Kara introduces herself to Lena as Kara Zor-El, and speaks about Kara Danvers in the 3rd person, explaining that she is a character Zor-El created to fit in on earth) Kara slams her into the desk and tries to intimidate Lena into sleeping with her, but when Lena says their 'Zhrae-Hiim' connection will be forever ruined if Kara tries anything, Kara begrudgingly flies them to the DEO, but not before punching a hole in her desk and breaking her phone when Lena tries to call Alex.  
> Kara was never actually going to touch her without Lena's permission, but under the influence of red kryptonite, she felt entitled to godlike worship and was offended that Lena would deny her her body.


	2. Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena function the next day. Alex comforts Kara, Lena doesn't get the shovel talk, but she talks to J'onn. Plz comment, it motivates me to keep writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I have to admit I don't watch Supergirl. I'm broke AF, in between cable connections, and Netflix isn't my first priority. But I'm weirdly obsessed with Supercorp. 
> 
> and this is chapter 2.

 

 

 When Kara woke up the next morning, she was hugging something soft and warm. It smelled like melon and eucalyptus and sweat. She was crawled half on top of it, laying on her belly. It snorted and huffed a breath. Kara startled. She was laying atop Lena, who was also on her belly. The memories of last night slammed into her and she jumped hastily to the opposite end of the bed. Lena groaned, and after struggling for a few seconds, managed to scrape an eye open. It rolled in the direction of her clock. Then her hand tugged at Kara’s.  
   

“No aftermath ‘til the alarm clock. Get back in bed.” Kara technically hadn’t left the bed, she’d just hung on the edge of it, looking at Lena as though she was afraid to hurt her. She scooted back in, but left an inch of space. Lena grumbled again and closed that gap, winding Kara's arm around her. Kara waited to hear something else from her, but all she got was Lena's breath evening out. She cradled Lena stiffly, trying not to cry- or panic. They were here, yes? Lena hadn’t sent her away yet. That was a good sign? Maybe Lena didn’t hate her for lying to her… and pretending not to love her… and trying to force herself on her… Kara swallowed hard. No, when Lena processed everything she would hate her. She’d have every right to. Kara had proven herself a disloyal friend, undeserving lover, and last night, a dangerous alien. Last night, Kara had proven Lex right, and if Lena gave in to the family history she tried so hard to divorce herself from, it was on Kara.  
   

Lena groaned and flipped in her arms, her arm flailed and flopped onto Kara's face. “Shut up your stupid brain, I’m trying to sleep. Relax, you can have a mental breakdown after 7 am.” She mumbled. She buried her head in Kara's chest and koala’d all of her limbs around her. “If you must know I’m gonna be flighty and pissed for maybe a week and then I’ll probably miss you too much not to handle it like an adult. So sleep and we can hash out the details over breakfast after the alarm clock!”   
   

The cuddling was too cute, and the astuteness of the reassurance too perfect for Kara to keep her mind on that path. And… apparently Lena had a strict policy about not doing anything (even thinking loudly) before her alarm clock sounded, so Kara made her muscles loosen, dragged Lena just a little closer, and tried to concentrate on her heartbeat and the smell of her hair, the comforting weight of her flopped on her chest. She wrapped her consciousness in Lena to stay out of her own head and waited for the blare of the fated clock.   

It came too soon, and then Lena was crawling over Kara, hitting the snooze button, and then rubbing her eyes and yawning, rolling around in a big morning stretch that Kara probably shouldn’t have watched the way she did. When Lena's bleary eyes eventually met her, they rolled a bit before crinkling into a small smile. She tucked herself into a little ball, blankets cocooning her, face barely an inch from Kara's.

“And now we have a few minutes to brace ourselves before we actually start the day.”

“So… you got some rules about How to Alarm Clock, huh?”

“Oh, yes, absolutely. Secret to my success, really.”

“Mm, do tell?”

“It’s not morning until it goes off, and once it does, I take ten minutes to think about yesterdays events and how they’re going to effect today. Then when the alarm sounds again, I get up, shower, and get the day started.”

“Wow… do you think we can do that all in ten minutes?”

Lena stiffened in her arms. “We’re not going to talk about yesterday. There's too much to say and not enough time to say it. And I need to focus on work today.”

“OK… so…?”

“We need to take a day or so before we say what we need to say to each other. I need time to figure it out.”

“Understood.” Kara started to move, but Lena unexpectedly jumped and pinned her.

“So we’re going to eat breakfast, and make small talk, and keep in touch through text. Because I need some time, but only some physical space. We need lines of communication open to figure out what we do next.”

“So… you don’t need to avoid…”

“I don’t _usually_ avoid, Ms. Danvers, and we are going to stop doing that. It's really been biting me in the ass since I've allowed it.”

“I’m so sorry Lena…”

“Stop saying that. I know you are, but it’s not useful anymore. Now, we need to talk about what needs to change about our relationship so there isn’t anything to be sorry about.”

“OK.”

“I’m sorry, too, by the way. I let you avoid and I let this thing between us stay uncommunicated without realizing that you could be hurt or compromised without us ever being honest with each other- our lives are too dangerous to ensure we would have that chance when we felt ready to face things. I knew better. I felt for a while now I was failing to act on something crucial, and it almost cost us our relationship. That is what I’m going to change.”

“Lena, you were just trying to respect my privacy, I don’t blame you-”

“I blame me. Because I let you make me wait when I shouldn’t have. Because it hurt every time I knew you were ditching me to be Supergirl, because I knew you could be hurt irreparably, or killed, and later… when we had clearly surpassed friendship, and I saw the indecision in your eyes… I let you avoid it. I let you hesitate. I watched you decide to pretend that we were platonic, that you weren’t Supergirl, and I knew it would hurt us, and I knew I should have called your bluff… and I didn’t, because I was afraid to put you on the spot. I thought I was giving you space.”

“I put you in that position…” Lena slid off of Kara and laid on her back, rubbing her eyes irritably.

“Hmm, this is why we need to converse slowly, through email or something. Because you’re taking all the credit, like it was your show. It wasn’t. We made an unspoken decision- mistake- together. And you’re deciding it was all you, like I didn’t have equal part. There is a lot we need to discuss, but right now isn’t the time. We’re too close to a heavy event. We need to reflect individually before we come to each other with our conclusions about what has happened between us- and about what this means for us in the future.”

Kara's heart grew heavy at that acknowledgement. “I need to explain-”

“So many things, believe me, I have a lot of questions… but I need time to formulate them, and you need time to formulate responses.”

The snooze alarm sounded, and Lena slinked her body over Kara's again (and Kara went very still, and felt the movement) and tapped the alarm. She took Kara's towel from the night before and left Kara alone in her bed.

Kara laid still in Lena's bed, snuggling into the warmth they’d generated together, fearing they’d never do so again. But it didn’t sound like that was what Lena wanted. It sounded like she wanted a future together. Kara did, too, but the risks had been holding her back. She and Lena both got almost killed multiple times a year. Keeping their lives somewhat separate protected both of them, didn’t it? If she was with Lena when an enemy called her out, Lena could be in the line of fire. If Supergirl was constantly acting as Lena's bodyguard, that connection will be noted and used to hurt either of them. Their enemies would have a new avenue of attack. That’s why heroes never got their love, right? _Superman has Lois. But Lois isn’t a public figure_. Lena was the renowned head of an infamous company, and people watched her. Knew who was, what she did, who she dated. Every time Supergirl saved Lena, there was a volley of articles. If Kara Danvers dated Lena Luthor, the public would find out. All of the articles she’d written of Lena would be considered biased. If people dug into Kara's life, her secret identity could be at stake. If Lena Luthor dated Supergirl, she could incite the wrath of Luthor sympathizers. Kara wrapped a pillow around her face and groaned into it. Her brain was heading into a dark ‘n’ doom spiral, she knew, but she’d kept Lena at bay for so many reasons. There's so much at stake. And Lena… she was such a take-action girl. She’d been in the DEO for 2 minutes, after being threatened and pretty much molested by Kara, and she was arguing with Alex about being involved in finding the guy who dosed Kara. Once she was in it, she was in it to win it. She wasn’t going to just let Kara go Supergirl without making her gadgets, and trying to help solve everything. She wasn’t going to be annoying or in the way, the worst part was that she’s such a genius, she’d fit right in and be an integral part of operations within a month. And people who were involved in the DEO got hurt. Badly. All the time. People could die.

Zhrae-Hiim. It was a word she’d been trying not to associate with Lena for a while now. It's the most significant thing a Kryptonian could call someone. It was a soulmate type word, and it was never given lightly. It was a lifelong commitment. If it was bouncing around in Kara's head (or smashing violently, obliterating every rational thought, more like) Kara knew she was done for. No one would ever come close to Lena for her. If she lost her to the whirlwind of violence constantly surrounding her, she’d break. Forever. She’d lost an entire planet. She’d survived that, barely. If she lost Lena, too, she would probably kill herself. She might take a bunch of people with her, depending on how she died.  
The bed dipped beside her, and she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Kara, take the pillow off your face,” Lena asked quietly. Kara did as she was told, and scooched up the bed, hugging it to her. She put her head in Lena's lap.

“What's wrong, honey? Why are you crying?” Kara touched her eye. Sure enough, it was wet.

“Huh. Yeah, I’m crying,” Lena fingers tangled in her hair, combed gently through.

“Is it about yesterday?”

“No. It’s about everything. I’ll… probably need to just email it to you. It’s a lot.”

“OK. Why don’t you get up here and let’s make breakfast,” Lena suggested. Kara nodded. This was her default, right now, letting Lena take the lead. She felt frozen, boneless and numb. She wasn't ready to cross this bridge yet. There would be no turning back. Did Lena understand that? If it wasn’t the same for her (and it probably wasn’t, she was human, they just weren’t as monogamous as Kryptonians. Not after a Kryptonian found their Zhrae-Hiim) There were so many ways to destroy Kara, with Lena as a weakness. She dragged herself from the bed and plopped onto a chair in the kitchen. Lena walked up to stand directly in front of her. Kara wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her face in her midsection.

“So what do we want for breakfast, baby? How many calories are you going to need?”

“Last night was pretty energy consuming, so probably a good 25 hundred.” Kara voice came out muffled.

Lena had one hand gripped in Kara's hair, the other rubbing her back just around the shoulder.

“OK, let me go so I can cook, alright? How does sausage, eggs, and hash browns sound?” Kara nodded, but didn’t let go. She could hear Lena's heartbeat all the time, but from this close, she could hear Lena's blood pulse through her body, her breath steadily woosh in and out of her lungs, and her tummy grumbling for breakfast. She could hear Lena's body working, could feel it, warm and alive, and it was the only thing that was keeping her from a full scale panic attack. She should not have allowed herself to imagine Lena dying. It was going to fuck her whole day up.

“Hey, I need to work, and you need to work, and you need to have a very long, very awkward conversation with your sister. Can you let go so we can feed you? 

Kara managed to unlock her arms from around Lena.

“You must be so tired of me grabbing you so much. I don’t think we’ve touched as much in the whole time we’ve known each other as we have these past 12 hours,” Kara tried to chuckle.

“I don't mind it. It means you're here, with me, and safe. You scared me last night, but... I was also scared for you.”

Kara nodded, hands in her lap. Lena reached down and scooped them up, tugging them in a plea for Kara to rise. Kara obediently dragged herself into a standing position, Lena took her face in her hands and looked into her eyes. “Hey, what's up? You’re making me nervous, what's going on in there?”

“People who know Supergirl well have high risk of injury and shorter life expectancies,” Kara tried to say it without her voice shaking, but it cracked in a couple of places.

Sympathetic green eyes widened in realization, and a soft, “Oh, honey,” was sighed out before Kara found herself wrapped in Lena. The contact forced out a sob Kara had been trying to bite back “Hey, it's going to be fine. We’re going to figure this out, OK? Don’t worry about that right now. Sure, It’ll be dangerous sometimes, but we’re strong, yea? And who knows how strong we are together, but I bet we’d be one hell of an opponent!”

Kara chuckled a bit and wiped her wet face again. “Did you really just say that? OK, I believe you,”

“Good girl. Lets just figure us out before the rest of the world, huh?”

Kara sighed. “Yea. Want help with breakfast? I can take those potatoes out in, like, less than a minute.”

“Please, since you the one about to make me late anyways,” Lena teased. Kara shuffled into her kitchen and dropped 8 russets into the sink and scrubbed. She took out Lena's grater and went to work. Sure enough, a pile of shredded potato sat on a cutting board in no time at all. She looked to Lena. Her eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape.

“Not used to it, yet? I’ve been told you will never totally get used to it.”

“Lena shook her head and smirked. “32 seconds. Impressive.”

Kara laughed. “You counted?”

“I’m a scientist. And you’re showing me some stuff I’ve been really curious about for a while now,” she reached out and touched the grater and pulled her hand away quickly.

“It’s hot!” She laughed.

“Well, yea, I could have told you that.”

“I mean, I knew it would be, I’m just… it’s cool, OK?” 

“Oh, so you touched the hot thing on purpose?”  

“For… science?” Lena giggled. Kara laughed.  

“OK, crazy…”  They both had silly smiles on their faces as Lena opened a package of sausages and Kara started pawing through the spice cupboard.  

“Hey, where do you keep your seasoning salt?” She asked.  

“For what?” Lena asked.

“For the 'tatoes!” 

“You put seasoning salt on hash browns? Do you also salt them after?   

“Nah, salt before, so it infuses into the food, then pepper after. And the eggs go on top!”   

“Oh, yea?”  

“How do you do it?” 

“Well, when I eat potato, I don’t usually salt until after.”

“Oh, well, we’re definitely doing it my way, then!”

“Hey, they still taste good!”

“Mine taste better!”

Lena stuck her tongue out before throwing her the salt, and they cooked the food together. They teased about their individual cooking idiosyncrasies and danced around each other as they maneuvered through the kitchen for ingredients. Kara speed-washed the cooking dishes as Lena plated the food, cleverly giving Kara a serving bowl for her 7 potatoes, 7 eggs, and 6 sausages. Kara, after drying her hands, got two cups for orange juice, and they sat next to each other to eat. This would be easy to get used to. She felt it, and from the shy, warm smiles Lena sent her occasionally, she knew Lena felt it to.     

This sort of domesticity showed itself in so many past interactions, but this morning, with so much laid bare, it was overwhelming, impossible not to focus on and read into. 

“You know, nobody ever feeds me from big dishes like this? They always give me normal sized ones, and I have to go get seconds and thirds. And I pile food too high and spill everywhere.” 

Lena giggled. “Oh, believe me, I’ve noticed. I would have been feeding you this way the whole time, but it probably would have tipped you off.”  

“No one else has thought of it. Or they think I’d find it rude, maybe. Girls Who Eat A Lot are… considered to be a weird thing. I guess. I dunno, I just own it. If anyone talks crap, I just flash my stomach at them and they get quiet.”  

Lena legitimately leaned back and let loose a deep belly laugh at that admission. “Probably a mix of the first and the second. I’ve wondered, how many calories do you eat a day? It seems to vary somewhat, I’ve noticed. You need more when your Supergirl duties are more rigorous.”  

“Yea, the more my body has to work or repair itself will jump my caloric intake from like, 7,000 to 10,000 calories. But, yea, that range.”

“Hm. How did the Danvers afford that?” Lena joked.

Kara snorted and raised her fork with hash browns on it. “You actually have the right idea. A lot of carbs. And eggs. And, like, really low-grade meat since I can’t get sick.”

Lena wrinkled her nose at that, but Kara just shrugged. “I put taco flavoring in it, or other spices. It’s no big deal. It costs, like, almost 2,000 bucks a month to feed me, so I really don’t mind cutting corners. If I’m desperate to just, like, get calories in me I sometimes kill half a tub of peanut butter, or a whole pack of hot dogs.”   

“Ew, I hate peanut butter!”  

“Me too, actually, but it’s efficient!”  

When breakfast was done, Lena got clothes for Kara and they stood nervously by the door. Neither really knew what to say. Kara felt with what she’d put Lena through, the woman deserved to call the shots in terms of how much contact they had, and when and whether they examined their relationship. So she waited for Lena to talk. It was kind of nice, letting Lena order her around. It had been a relief last night, and… she just enjoyed being someone Lena felt comfortable admitting vulnerability to. It made her feel special.  

“Email me what your sister says after that talk- that should be interesting. Bonus points if you can get pictures of facial expressions.” Lena added jokingly.  

“Gotcha, boss!” Kara laughed. 

“And I’ll email you some… uh, questions and… other stuff.” 

“I’ll answer everything honestly.”  

“I’d appreciate that.” 

For a minute, neither knew whether or not they should hug the other. Finally, Lena shook herself out of the awkward moment, and pulled Kara in a little aggressively.    

“I want one,” She answered the unasked question, and Kara nodded her assent. The hug lasted longer than they anticipated, they just held each other for a while. Kara took note of all the soft, comforting noises of Lena's body, committing them to memory. She inhaled her scent, and tightened her hold. Lena buried her face in Kara's neck, and Kara felt lips in the hollow of her throat. They traced her skin as she whispered, “I’ll see you soon.” Kara nodded again.  

They slowly dragged themselves away from each other, and with matching sad smiles said a final goodbye. It wasn’t going to be forever, but they needed to talk before they jumped into something. Their relationship had been like this for some time, it felt every quiet moment between them, they were on a precipice, barely able to keep themselves from jumping. They needed to talk about that before they acted on it. For Kara, at least, it was a life changing decision she would be making. She needed to know if Lena felt at all similar. If she didn’t, Kara may not be able to go through with furthering their relationship. If this felt temporary for Lena, she’d have to respect that the difference between Kryptonian and human psychology would hurt Kara in the long run.   

Kara shook her head. She needed to not spiral into despair every time she thought of Lena. She needed to stay optimistic. No one else on earth could handle her like Lena. It took her, what, under an hour of negotiating with Kara to get her to submit to detoxing from red kryptonite. That was just, plain unheard of. And then she fed her in a serving bowl! Like a genius. Kara really wanted to talk to Alex, now. About everything. She’d been unable to even be honest with herself, but now it was like floodgates had opened. Every thought and feeling she’d denied herself was rushing at her, flooding through her, swirling around.

Lena, despite the busy morning, arrived early to work. After a quick word with her drone engineer, she sent a confirmation email to UNICEF and got ready for a board meeting that wasn’t until 11:30. She didn’t realize she’d flown through her morning tasks with the compulsive efficiency she sometimes got when she was trying very hard not to focus on her personal life, and at 10:30 she checked her daily planner and realized that work was grinding to a halt, and all her obligations for the day were either meetings happening later, or waiting on people to respond to emails. Sure, there was more work, there was always more work, but now she had to stop and think and replan the rest of her day. Stopping and thinking meant her mind went straight to Kara. And then the words she wanted to say were right there, and she could focus on nothing else. She pulled up a new email page, and marked Kara as the recipient.

To: kara.danvers@catco.com  
Subject: Ok, here goes:  
So I guess my first question is were you planning to tell me at all, and what is the biggest reason you haven’t yet, and I guess I want to know all the other reasons as well, actually. Although, I think I got a pretty good idea of a big one this morning. I’m sorry you have to carry that. I know it’s something you’re afraid of, but I want to carry it with you. It’s not like I’m safer alone, I’m still the target of assassination attempts.  
 If you were going to tell me, when?   
Question 2 is probably why do you want to be with me. Not in the lovey-dovey, fishing for compliments way, what I mean is; Last night you told me we could do great things together… and I hate to bring it up again, but you were REALLY into the fact that I’m a Luthor. You even complimented my brother. Is that part of it for you? My Luthor-ness? Because I can’t be with someone who would want to capitalize on that when I’m trying to squash all recognizable traits and redefine what that name stands for.  
Question 3; Do you really want me to reverse engineer and bring new tech to the world? That would be horribly disruptive to the global economy if not done slowly, painstakingly, over many decades… you know this, and I don’t think you really want that. I just… speak to it anyways, please. Just the thought made me scared of us, and the possibility we may do what we think is right and just… experience disastrous effects. We… we probably need many failsafes and contingency plans if we ever choose to make, to paraphrase you, ‘crazy shit’ together.  
And in regards to the last few questions. I think the answer is probably no to all of it, you were just… on a drug, last night, so to speak. What happens to your mind when you are on that drug?  
And lastly (I know were both busy, I won’t ask every question, these are just probably the most important/immediate)-  
Tell me, sober, what Zrae Hiim (sp?) means. It sounds really serious. I want you to know I’m also very serious about you. I don’t date casually, I don’t trust people enough to do that. I don’t like to jump from partner to partner, either, and when I fall in love, I fall hard. If it had been any other business offer, any other anything, period, I would have chosen Jack. But taking over L Corp took precedence over everything else. Its my albatross, my families legacy. I felt obligated to change the nature of the company. Yes, to clear my name, but more importantly because I had to reverse the ills done to society by my brother. To be given the opportunity and just deny it? I’d be as bad as my brother. Committing evil acts is wrong, but watching them be done and not counteracting them is complicit, and just as bad. But it was still a choice that hurt me deeply for a long time. I never stopped loving Jack. In a way, I still love him, and always will. But I think i may actually feel more for you than I did him, and it scares me.  
When I had to choose between the two of you, I wondered if I could somehow fix the nanobots, bring him back, but… I chose you instead. That choice was a bigger deal than you know, I think. You weren't aware of what I knew, but it influenced my choice that day. Back to the word- I have to admit, I liked the sound of it? But you were very… not yourself last night. No offense, but I’m taking everything you said with a grain of salt, so I would like clarification as to its nuances. It was a very layered concept, and I’m not sure I grasp the extent yet. And I really want to know.  
Oh, and I know I said it was the last thing, but… does any of your attire protect against radiation? Because I have some old radiologist uniforms lying around that I just don’t know what to do with. And tell me what comes of my business competitor.  
Give my best to your sister,  
Lena

Lena smirked at the send off, hoping Kara really would say something to her sister. Lena knew Alex may never trust her, but she also knew how to stay gracious in the face of unearned spite.

She hoped the email wasn’t too much too fast, especially mentioning love, but she’d seen Kara's face, she knew what she’d tried to say last night in her weird Supergirl base.

They’d basically already admitted to being in love several times over, to each other and to all of her coworkers. A new surge of anger flared up against the kryptonite. Lena did believe that she and Kara would ultimately get together. She’d waited so patiently because Karas secret wasn’t an easy one, and she deserved to admit it in her own time. She was a little happy, in a sense, that Lena had been the thing Kara had run to while under the influence, but she still felt like they’d been robbed of something. It had been such a glacial momentum, such a cautious realization. They were coming together, slowly, and that tentative contact was the definition of them. So Lena hadn’t earned Kara's trust, or

Kara hadn’t been ready to let Lena in. Lena didn’t care. She was working to gain that trust anyways, being forced to admit she’d known took away her chance to prove herself. And whatever Zhrae-Hiim was, she got the sense Kara wasn’t ready to admit to it yet. It's definition had been so big, so everything. Kara- she remembered her face that morning… when Lena returned from the bathroom, she was clearly in such a bad place. It hurt to see. The confession had shattered her heart. They weren’t ready. They had needed more time. Kara was still overwhelmed by the thought of Lena seeing that part of her. Lena understood that. Kara was nothing if not protective. Of course she didn’t want Lena in harm's way. She’d proved it last night, hadn’t she? She’d actually turned herself in despite the kryptonite. Lena couldn’t be sure, but she thought that a Super reporting that they were on red kryptonite and allowing someone to detoxify them was rare. But she’d done it at Lena's behest. And then she’d been so beaten, so ashamed. So unprepared. They weren’t ready for that, either of them. The rug had been pulled out from under them, just because some sad attempt at a mogul had to cheat to beat her company out. She had to fight the urge to create a personalized plan of attack, not to bring justice, but to thoroughly humiliate that pathetic attempt for a CEO. She was too mature, too classy to be so petty and malicious. But, oh, she really wished she wasn’t right now. She let out a breath and  made herself get back to her business. That was a problem for Supergirl.

 

 

 

Kara walked into Catco. She was ignoring her phone. Her sister had called 10 times, and was texting her nonstop. Kara knew it was immature, but she had no idea how to even begin explaining herself. She walked onto her floor, and Snapper's overpowering cologne assaulted her nose, giving her a split second warning to his presence.

"Ponytail! Supergirl stopped a robbery and left the robber outside the store and left without talking to the cops. What's up with that?"

It was probably an aftereffect of the red k, but she felt a swell of indignation at being questioned.

"She didn't say anything to me. I shot her a text this morning, she said she had a quiet night."

"Well, did she say she flew off with a random guy to god knows where, leaving an armed criminal unattended at the scene of the crime for the police to find?"

"Who did you find that out from, the police?"

It wasn't supposed to be backtalk; but Snapper glared at her like he was offended. "The robber," He said.

Her eyes widened at that. "The robber said that?" 

He nodded. She sighed. "Supergirl leaves an armed robber unattended to fly an unidentified man somewhere and doesn't speak to the police after the fact," She recites. Snapper scrubbed at his facial hair.

"I didn't say that she never spoke to the police, I said she didn't speak to them immediately after. I don't know if she got in touch later, I'm not on the Supergirl beat. You are," With that dismissal, he turned and walked away.

On any other day, she would have followed after him, confirming that that was her story for the day, or if she had a second one as well, but today she was anxious and tired, and still bristling with the wounded pride Kara Zor-El felt after red kryptonite exposure.

She took her leave of the newsroom. She considered flying to the DEO, but she still didn't have it in her to face Alex. The explanation she knew she would have to give was still jumbled and premature in her mind. She didn't have the words yet.

Instead, she headed to the precinct to get started on her day job duties.

"Hey, Mags, I heard Supergirl did something a bit out of character last night. Think I could get a quick interview?" Kara gave Maggie a knowing, but slightly embarrassed look.

"It was very out of character. Do you think you could get an explanation out of her? She makes us kinda nervous when she does unpredictable stuff like that. Does she have a new Beaux?" Kara adjusted her glasses and blushed.

"Are you busy?" She offered. "Coffee and interview?" Maggie shook her head. I'll have a 15 minute break in an hour, Danvers, think you could meet me somewhere then?"

"Sure, I'll talk to the convenience store owners until then."

"I'll text you," Maggie tossed a hand in a lazy goodbye, and Kara left.

She got a quote from the cashier who had been on duty, made up a short convo with Supergirl, and waited in her apartment for Maggie's text. She saw 26 texts from Alex, and her stomach clenched at the thought of opening them. Instead, she opened her email.

Lena was ahead of schedule. She opened the email and read it. Then read it again. Then she read the last few paragraphs over and over. Lena didn't know about Kryptonian relationship dynamics. And for Kara to explain what they meant could scare her off. Maybe. Maybe not. Kara's memories of the night before were foggy from the kryptonite, but she knew she had been scary. But Lena was fine, she was right here, fighting for their relationship, negotiating. Putting her feelings on the line for Kara. Kara knew she should do the same for her, but the idea of explaining to her what the scope of what Zhrae Hiim meant in Kryptonian culture scared her. She had buried that word. And when Lena had come and raised it from its grave, Kara had buried it deeper. But Lena was back again, this time with a map and shovel. Kara's throat constricted, the days panic rising in her again.

Her phone chimed, and Kara breathed a sigh of relief. _Impeccable timing, Maggie, I could kiss you right now._

They sat across from each other. Kara paid for their coffees and the pile of croissants she brought to their tables.

"You only get two," She said sternly. Maggie laughed.

"I'll probably just have one. So, I've got 11 minutes before I need to get back, we should move this along pretty quick. I can't give you much information, the court case is ongoing,"

"The robber talked about Supergirl to the cops? Was that before or after he was read his Mirandas?"

"After, but Supergirl fucking off won't influence his sentence, and it was so weird he and the cop had a little bonding moment talking about it." Maggie smirked at Kara. Kara rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"I'm gonna paraphrase that _entire_ sentence Mags. Can we keep the potty mouth in check so I can get a quote? How did the officers feel about Supergirl's absence?"

"The NCPD appreciates Supergirl's contributions to keeping the peace, but officers are held accountable for their involvement in crime, and if she is to keep up her vigilante activities, she needs to hold herself accountable to the citizens and police force of National City. But I think she knows that, and I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for last nights incident," Maggie spoke with a facetiously authoritative lilt. 

"Will Supergirl be facing any consequences for last night?" 

"The NCPD would appreciate if she came by to talk to us, but as of now her reputation is still intact."

Kara nodded and leaned back in her chair, folding her notebook closed.

"Supergirl's 'new beaux' dosed her with red kryptonite last night and threatened one of her inner circle." Kara leveled with Maggie.

Maggie raised her eyebrow.

"Is she OK?"

"She's having an off day, but she can handle it,"

Maggie nodded sympathetically. "Y'know, I have this friend, Agent Danvers, who's a pretty good listener, if she needs one."

Kara grimaced, "Alex knows a bit about it. He... threatened Lena. And then I... visited her at L Corp."

"Oh, shit. Is she OK?" Maggie looked genuinely startled at that, and for some reason it made Kara feel better.

"She's OK. We- I-," Kara scrubbed her eyes under her glasses, then repositioned them. "Ugh, I need to talk to Alex. I'll tell you about it, but... it'll take longer than you have to talk."

Maggie nodded in agreement. "I have like, 3 minutes left and I actually want that second croissant. I can tell you're in it right now, since you've only eaten half of one. Let's grab a beer sometime soon. If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, I'm also a pretty good listener in that regard," Maggie stood and gathered her things. Kara stood, but kept her stuff out.

"I'm gonna sit here for a bit. I've still got an article to write. Thanks Maggie, I'll probably take you up on that beer." They one arm hugged goodbye, and Kara stuffed the rest of her croissant in her mouth before opening a fresh word document.

She got the article done, she returned to Catco, she revised it where Snapper told her to, she got a new assignment, and she officially had nothing distracting her from the conversation she had to have with her sister, except the email she needed to reply to, which scared her even more then that.

She packed up and went to the roof of Catco. With a resigned sigh, she pulled her phone out and texted Alex.

_Busy reporter day, Heading to you now._

Then she took off into the sky towards the DEO.

  
As soon as she approached the DEO, Kara's anxiety started to reach extreme levels. She was panting, tears pricked her eyes. Her clothes were itchy and her mind was racing. And though she knew what she’d done could have been so much worse, coming clean about what had happened between her and Lena last night meant she had to explain something so much more significant. She entered the DEO with leaden feet. A hush fell over the room, except for the few whispered voices ordering others to summon Agent Danvers. J’onn and Alex walked up to her together.

None of them spoke. J'onn gestured to a debriefing room. J'onn and Alex turned in tandem, and Kara followed behind, head bowed.

When they were seated and the doors were closed, Kara spoke at the table, "I think his first name was Ryan, and his last name started with a B. He shot me with this."

She placed a lead dart on the table. No one touched it. J'onn messaged down to Winn to take the evidence away for inspection.

Then he sat back. Alex and Kara faced each other across the desk. _One question at a time, Kara, just take it as it goes._ Alex reached over to put her hand over Kara's. Her eyes shone as she reassured Kara.

"We'll get through this, OK? You're not in trouble and we'll find the guy who dosed you. I'm gonna ask you questions now, alright?" Kara nodded.

"Do you need food?" Kara shook her head.

"OK. How sure are you that his name was Ryan?"

"Like, maybe 80%."

"What did he want from you?"

"He said he owned a STEM conglomerate, and had recently expanded, and offered to help make Supergirl gear if I helped him kill Lena."

"Why do you think he wanted to kill Lena?"

"He wanted to destroy L Corp as a competitor, probably. I don't think he wanted her dead, I think he wanted L-Corp neutered. I think he thought I wanted Lena dead, and was going to use me for his own agenda. He also wanted to work together to make more advanced technology. We're sitting on a wealth of alien tech, reverse engineering it-"

Alex and J'onn were both nodding. Kara fell silent. This conversation was exhausted by everyone at the DEO.

"Tech companies are bound to start slavering for first dibs. He just happened to know about red kryptonite."

"We've given Winn the task of trying to track down any files about kryptonite. Hopefully, theres information about red K somewhere, and we can learn how he learned about it." J'onn  informed Kara.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was old LuthorCorp files or something of Lex's. He knew the most about this kind of stuff."

Alex nodded. "That's what we thought. The dart and the name help. He didn't tell you the name of the business?"

"I didn't listen closely to him. I felt contemptful towards him from the start, because of the red k, and when he threatened Lena I threatened him and flew away."

"You flew to L Corp," Alex supplied. Kara took a deep breath. _Here we go._

"I tried to seduce her, or something."

"Or something?" Alex cocked her head. J'onn shifted forward in his seat.

"It wasn't exactly romantic. It was more- like I wanted to just take her. The kryptonite, it made me feel like she should belong to me."

"So I'm a little lost. You went to her to seduce her, wanted her to belong to you- I wasn't aware you had feelings for her at all."

"I wasn't keeping it from you, I was  denying it entirely- even to myself."

"Why?"

"Kryptonians mate for life. Once we feel a connection with someone, we never love anyone else."

"And you chose a Luthor?" Alex's voice was even, professional. A little surprised, but devoid of judgment. Still, Kara's nails scratched small grooves into the table.

"It isn't a choice. We don't choose it. It happens, and then it's done. Wa-pow." She mumbled despondently.

"Lena knows your secret." J'onn said.

"She's known the whole time. She hasn't said or done anything. I've been alone with her, I've been at her mercy while we were with CADMUS. She's earned the DEO's trust, Alex, she's earned mine. Do you see that?"

Alex averted her eyes and scratched her forehead. J'onn quietly stood to take his leave. This was becoming less of a debrief and more of a sister talking thing. As he reached the door, he spoke over his shoulder.

"It's my decision who has or hasn't earned the trust of the DEO. Lena Luthor's actions and intentions, both as CEO of L Corp and in her personal life, have shown that her agenda aligns with ours.  And since she knows your secret anyway, I don't see what we stand to gain by not trusting her."

Alex whipped her head around, mouth agape. Kara relaxed in her chair. J'onn walked out and closed the door.

"OK," Alex said decisively. "So that's that for the DEO's response."

"That's that," Kara parroted dumbly. The sisters looked at each other and shrugged. Alex opened her mouth to speak, but Kara cut her off. 

"Lex and Clark were friends. Clark never told me exactly what happened, but he's said pretty clearly that without Lex's mental illness and the xenophobic brainwashing from his Mom, he probably wouldn't have done what he did. Lena didn't have that same exposure to Lillian, they dislike each other, and Lena believes in equal rights. And she doesn't seem to have the same psychology. I trust her, Alex."

"I agree with those points. I've moved on from Lena Luthor: good or evil, actually and I'm stuck on-" She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and considered her words.

"You feel some sort of romantic connection- that you believe could be lifelong- for Lena. And I'm stuck on two things, actually. I didn't realize you were gay- I mean, when I came out, you seemed to not- umm, have considered that it's an option? And the second thing- how does Lena feel about this? Does she- I mean, she told me she wanted to be with you last night, she said you guys were in love, but... does she mean it... the way you seem to?"

"I sounded really surprised when you came out, huh?" Kara ignored the second part of the question. She and Alex had still left this conversation alone.

"Yeah, you did," Kara loved this about her sister. They were playful awkward goofs most of the time, but when things got real, she got down to business, she didn't beat around the bush. And Maggie was right, she was a great listener. She was a great friend- she was an amazing ally.

"It was normal, on Krypton, to marry whoever captured your heart. It wasn't about bodies, it was about- personality, lifestyle, heart and soul- alignment, I guess. But humans are different. Love is a more visceral experience here, tied to sex, and reproduction still requires sperm and egg and straight sex- or adoption or in vitro. So lets just say culturally, heteronormativity is still deemed important for reproduction. Krypton was technologically advanced enough that wasn't a factor in finding a partner, so same sex couples were normal. It just was what it was. Love was a cerebral thing, sex was only for pleasure, and babies were made by your doctor when a couple decided they were mature and financially stable enough for that."

"I didn't react very supportively when you first told me, because I focused so hard on 'appearing normal,' that I just tied 'acting straight' up with my definition of normal. So I really didn't even suspect you may be gay. It wasn't in my definition of How To Be A Normal Human. So I'm sorry about that."

"I was never upset about that, Kara. You don't need to apologize. And you don't get to deflect, either- so what happened, what do you feel for Lena, that you're feeling this way now?"

"So... Soulmates are a thing on Krypton, but they aren't really, here. It's a very real connection. It only happens once, and it's lifelong. It's a big deal, Alex," Kara's lip trembled.

"Why don't I know this? Did you ever think about when this would happen to you?"

"I thought it _wouldn't_. I thought that Zhrae-Hiim was exclusive to the Kryptonian race, and when it was destroyed, it would never happen to me. I thought I was safe. I figured I'd never love a human that way. And I have no clue if Lena realizes what this means, what she's in for. I know she wants to be with me, but... It's so scary, knowing that no matter what happens, I won't ever fall out of love with her, even if she does with me." Kara was shaking hard now, her eyes were watery, and her breath was choppy. Alex recognized the signs of the panic attack. She crossed the room to Kara.

"OK, Kara, let's sit on the ground, OK? Just for a minute," Kara obediently sat on her butt in the corner and drew her knees into her chest. Alex sat cross legged, not quite turned towards her, keeping her eyes mindfully fixed away from Kara, and rubbed circles into her lower back. Kara pushed her face into her knees.

"Do you want to do breathing exercises?" Alex asked gently. Kara thought for a minute.

"I think I'll be OK. Maybe in a minute," She stayed curled into the wall, but with her eyes closed, her mind was free to imagine Lena- Lena looking at her with fear in her eyes, Lena thrown down on her desk, trying to escape from Kara's grasp. Lena on the ground, knocked unconscious by her own mother. Lena bleeding. Lena leaving. Kara whipped her head up.

"Breathing, Alex, please. Can I look at your eyes, too?" Alex moved to face her with practiced ease. She crooked her fingers into Kara's hair, made eye contact, and began to guide her breathing.

It had been a long time since Alex had to help her with a panic attack like this. They went away when Kara got to college. Kara acclimated, she gained control over her powers, she made friends, and  the ache she felt for Krypton receded in the face of living her life on earth.

Kara focused on her sister's face, on her breath, on the feeling of gentle scratches on her scalp. They stayed that way for a long while. She knew Alex would stay, waiting, for one of the two ways this could end. Either Kara would blink, snap back to her happy default, and laugh it off, and ask for potstickers. The second scenario was that she'd bottom out; her body would give a jerk, and she'd pitch forwards, sobbing, into Alex's lap.

The attack would end, but the emotions that catalyzed it would boil over. It was better, in a way. When Kara couldn't push it down and back, anymore, she'd finally confront it and move past it.

Alex wasn't surprised then, when tears started to run down Kara's cheeks. She just pulled her forward and let her curl into her lap, shushing her soothingly while she ran her fingers through her hair.

Kara sobbed quietly in her lap and Alex stayed still, letting Kara get it all out. Eventually, she pulled out her phone and found the contact.

"Mom? Hey." Kara sniffed in her lap and looked up before laying so her ear was perfectly horizontal.

"Actually, Kara is here," Kara could hear the muffled question, "She's in my lap." 

Alex placed the phone on Kara's ear and rubbed her back some more. She could hear the sounds of her mom talking calmly to Kara. Alex couldn't hear her exact words, but she knew what she'd be saying. Nothing too heavy, just sweet anecdotes about her friends and coworkers, what she made herself for dinner, shows she was watching at the moment. Just so Kara could hear her voice.

Kara didn't speak, she listened, she took deep breaths. Alex looked at her sisters shoes- the tips were moving. She was wiggling her toes. Good. Eventually, Kara gave a subdued "Thanks, Eliza," and gave the phone back to Alex.

Alex said goodbye, and Kara sat up.

"Sorry, I was fine up until this morning. That red k really messed me up, and... I scared Lena, and... that wasn't how I wanted to tell her."

"I'm sorry, Kara,"

"I threw her on her desk and threatened to rape her," Kara whispered.

"But you didn't," Alex reassured her.

"I wanted her to think I would, though," Kara wiped her eyes. Alex cocked her head and looked thoughtful. 

"You came voluntarily to the DEO. You let me shoot you with the cure,"

"Lena told me to," Alex reached toward her and took her hand.

"Kara, you did what someone asked of you while you were on red k and it wasn't what you wanted to do,"

Kara huffed a laugh. Alex shook her head, looking impressed. 

"Right now, I'm equally in awe and in fear of Lena Luthor for having that power," she said gravely. Kara tipped her head back and hysterical laughter exploded from her. "MEE TOOO!"

They both laughed as they rose to their feet. Alex's chest loosened it's constriction at Kara's open, joyful expression. After the last dying chuckles fell from them, Kara hung her head and stuck her lower lip out.

"Al?"

"Yes, Kara, we can get pot stickers and watch Pocahontas,"

Kara squeaked and hugged her. 

"Invite Maggie, she kinda already knows part of the story, and I promised her a better explanation!"

 

 

It was 5:30pm. Lena didn't exactly expect a reply, yet, but she couldn't help refreshing her email every 10 minutes.

"Miss Luthor?" Jess's voice interrupted Lena's compulsive browser refreshing.

"Yeah, Jess?"

"I have a Director John in the lobby for you? No appointment, but he says to tell you it's about Kara," A lump formed in Lena's throat and plummeted to her lower abdomen. Was she OK? 

"Send him up," She ordered hastily.

A tall, somber-looking black man entered her office shortly after, with a file clutched in his left hand. She rose from the cheap Ikea desk she'd asked for that morning and approached him with her hand extended.

"Hello, Director... John, was it?" He took her hand in a surprising gentle grasp. So maybe alien as well, then. Human men tended to shake firmly. Superpowered aliens, though, kept their contact with humans feather-light.  "Does Kara know you are here?"

"Kara does not know I'm here. She's fine. You and I almost met last night. I am the director of the government agency known as the Department of Extranormal Operations, and I have here a non-disclosure agreement for you in regards to Kara Danvers and her secret identity."

"Oh, of course, have a seat," She swept a hand towards the chair opposite hers. "Would like something to drink? A water, scotch?"

"A water would be lovely, thank you," he accepted. "Human alcohol doesn't affect me." Lena had been on her way to get him a Fuji bottle, and whipped her head around at that admission.

"Before we proceed, I will confirm your suspicion of my extra-terrestrial origin. You picked that up immediately," His face was kind, almost apologetic. She handed him the bottle and returned silently to her seat.

"I have superpowers. One of them is mind reading. I can tune people out to a degree, and I will try my best to do so while I am here. I respect privacy, but I can't shut it off. I'm telling you this because if what I saw at my base last night was anything to go by, we will be seeing much more of each other in the future, and your ability to deduce information will compromise my ability to hide this from you."

Lena tilted her head. She said nothing, but in her mind, she couldn't help but realize he was only saying this because he accurately deduced her power of deduction. In response to her silence, he chuckled and shrugged.

"Aliens keep themselves and their abilities secret. We only expose ourselves when we are partially exposed and backed into a corner. Sometimes we tell people we trust, as well," he offered. 

"I haven't tried to back you into a corner, Director. I wasn't going to doing anything with my suspicion of your alien origin." She replied defensively.

"You didn't at all, you've been entirely gracious since I barged into your office. But you knew, and I can't help but know that you knew, and I'm leveling with you now, because, like I said, I think we may see much of each other in the future."

He slid the folder to Lena. 

"Look this over with your most trusted attorney. There are sections in there for them to sign as well, since Kara's name and secret identity are both explicitly stated in the pages. If they need to speak to me for clarification, I included my business card as well."

Lena flipped through the document. In the top right corner, small print declared Page 1 of 37 and she blinked rapidly at her visitor.

"Did you expect the non-disclosure agreement about the secret identity of one the two most reputable alien superheroes on earth would be longer?" 

"Yes, actually," Lena replied, entirely seriously, " I expected at least 13 more pages."

J'onn laughed heartily, cracked his water bottle and took a long drink. "Our underwriters are quite efficient at their jobs," He said.

"Well, if you ever want to pass them along, this is some well-done writing. Morgan will have to confirm this, but I'm assuming it's quite ironclad."

J'onn simply nodded, leaning back in his seat. 

Lena snapped the folder shut. "I'll have this back to you within two work weeks. I'm a busy woman, my most trusted attorney is a busy woman, but we will look over this as soon as we both find time." She said with finality. She'd thought about asking him when she should get it back to him, but she'd kept Kara's secret for a long time without signing anything, and she had a bevy of investors and UNISEF breathing down her neck, and she didn't have the luxury of allowing someone to force another deadline on her.

"Thank you, Miss Luthor," He replied. He pressed his hands to his knees as though to stand, but his head swiveled unsurely, and his brow crinkled. He didn't stand.

"Kara is a good girl, and a bright spirit," He mused. Lena nodded. "You're in love with her?" 

Lena nodded again. "I am."

"Kryptonians are a beautiful race. Their neurology doesn't work like humans," he supplied esoterically.

"What are you trying to tell me, Director?" Lena asked.

"Kryptonians have soulmates. Kara loves you," J'onn rubbed his hands over his knees anxiously.

Lena almost laughed at the understanding of what seemed to be happening here.

"Are you Kara's adoptive father?" She asked. J'onn shook his head.

"Kara works for me. Her adoptive sister works for me. They're good people. You-" J'onn leaned back and pursed his lips.

"You're involving yourself romantically with a Kryptonian," He eventually explained. "Please understand that the Kryptonian will take this involvement very seriously." 

"Kara and I are negotiating what we mean to each other," Lena tried to keep her words as cryptic as his. He looked worried.

"I'm very much in love with Kara," She blurted. He didn't look relieved. He looked again into her eyes, like he needed her to understand something he couldn't explain.

"Director, if you have more to say, please, I'd love to hear it, but if you are finished, I have a company to run," She snapped. She didn't mean to snap, but she was so raw about Kara right now, and this felt like a shovel talk, even if it wasn't one.

"If you think your relationship with Kara will be fleeting, make sure she understands that." He said, "Kryptonians mate for life. Her feelings for you will never go away."

Lena nodded. "I highly doubt my feelings for her are temporary."

 J'onn nodded and rose from his seat. "It was nice to meet you, Miss Luthor. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me."

Wind tickled her face, and she was alone in her office. She slumped against her swivel chair and dragged her palms down her face.

Lena refreshed her browser.


	3. Admissions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana finds an unexpected friend in Winn and Alex and Maggie help Kara with her introspection. Kara responds to Lena's email and Lena misses Kara. 
> 
> This fic is running long, so I've changed the chapters from 4 to 5 . I haven't even started on Lena and Kara teaming up to catch Borkowski, the guy who dosed her.

 Kara flew her and Alex to her house, where they waited for Maggie and Chinese delivery.

"I just- I know she probably feels really messed up, because- that had to have been traumatizing, but she just lets everyone think stuff rolls off her shoulders. She was comforting me, this morning, and it should have been the other way around." Kara sighed and flopped onto her couch.

"Do you think you would have hurt her?"

"No, but not because I respected her right to say no- she said something to stop me. I wanted her to rule the world with me, I wanted her to be my partner, and she told me that if I hurt her or kept her locked up as like a pet or something- she wouldn't be my soulmate, she'd be a broken toy. And she had me there. I didn't want that. She backed me into a corner. To get what I wanted from her, I had to give her what she wanted. She made me go get the cure."

"Damn," Alex said.

"She outsmarted me."

" _Damn_ ," Alex repeated. 

"I still can't believe she did that." 

"OK, I'm sorry I've been shitty about her. I'm just protective and stuff, but she got you back to me when you were on red kryptonite. I didn't even know you were in trouble until you came flying in with her."

Kara smiled at her sister. "I really love her, Alex." 

"She can stay," Alex declared. "She can handle you like that? Yeah, she can stay." 

"Thanks, Al," Kara laughed. A knock sounded at the door. Maggie was outside with a 6-pack. 

"Door's open!" Kara hollered. Alex jumped from the couch, rushing to kiss Maggie (and sneak the beer from her hands) as she entered. 

"Smooth, babe," Maggie praised sarcastically, as Alex pranced into the kitchen to open 3 beers and bring them to out.

"Alright!" Kara announced. "Let's get this movie started!"

She set her laptop onto her lap so she could compose a response to Lena as she watched the movie. Alex and Maggie noticed her split attention, but when Alex took a look at her screen and mouthed "Lena," to Maggie, Maggie nodded. They both settled in and left it be. Kara typed while she ate and watched the film. She pressed send and closed her laptop just as 'Colors of the Wind' began to play.

 

 

 

 

Lena entered the little pub she sometimes went to when she wanted to think, but the large emptiness of her home felt oppressive. She ordered a dry red wine and sat at a small table in a back corner, facing the front entrance, the bar, and the door to the back. She kept her eyes up, watching the quiet buzz of the guests. She cocked her head in surprise when she saw Winn Shott at the bar nursing a Heineken bottle.  He didn't see her. She pondered whether call out to him or stay back, and was oscillating between the two when he turned and caught her eye.

"Lena!" He smiled brightly and walked over. "How are you?" He stood by her table, wiggling in place like he was physically stopping himself from inviting himself to sit.

"Hello, Mr. Shott, it's good to see you again," she replied. "Care to sit down?"

"Sure, thanks!" He took a seat and looked around. "You here alone? Waiting on anyone?"

"No, I just wanted to get a drink after work before heading home," she said casually, hoping he didn't read too far into that, Hoping he didn't hear the silent confession; I'm afraid to be alone. I want to feel connected to people. I want to talk to someone. I want Kara.

If he gathered this, he didn't show it. "Me too! Usually I go with someone from work, but everyone's busy. Hey, do you like games?" He asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I do, what kind of games?" Lena almost laughed as Winn leaned in conspiratorially.

"They have so many board games here," he whispered, eyebrows bouncing up and down in enthusiasm.

"OK," Lena conceded. "What kinds of games do they have?" She'd only ever been here alone. She got her drink and sat in her corner. She'd never had reason to look at the games.

"They have Scrabble and Cards against Humanity- and Apples to Apples, decks of cards- they have Magic: The Gathering decks! But none of them are all that good, and some of them are really ill-matched, so I wouldn't recommend them., Life, Monopoly, and, and, AND!" He drum-rolled on the desk.

"They have this really obscure game called Shogun's Honor, where you're a daimyo, and you have samurai, and you can pit ninja assassins against the others daimyo and you try to take their stuff. You gather money and honor points, and you try to become shogun by gathering money, but to win the game  you need 500 honor points. To make money sometimes costs honor, and getting honor means your opponent gets lots of chances to take your money. I had a half-Japanese friend in high school who found the game in a thrift store, we played together all the time, but we both went to different colleges and I never see him anymore, and I never saw the game again until I came into this bar. Wanna play?" 

"That sounds cool," Lena was genuinely excited now. "It's a strategy game? Set in medieval Japan?"

"Yes and yes," he replied, tapping the butt of his beer on the table.

"Count me in, but I need a refill. Want another?" She stood to go towards the bar. 

"Yes please! I'll go get the game."

Over the next two hours, the two played games and talked. Lena was so engaged with her companion that she didn't notice the email notification chime quietly in her purse right away. Winn was in the middle of divulging details about the ongoing red k investigation, and Lena was riveted.

"It's aggravating, I'm _scrubbing_ the web for anything a 3rd party could have learned about red kryptonite, and _nothing_. I've found _nothing_. And Kara doesn't remember his full name." He peeled his beer label in aggravation.

"Well, I can probably dig up some of Lex's old files on the stuff, and tell Director J'onn to call me, I probably know exactly who you guys are looking for." Lena fished in her purse and got out her phone and a business card. She unlocked her phone. 

Winn must have noted her expression, because he cocked his head inquisitively. "Need to respond to that?" He asked.

"It's long," Lena mused. "It's from Kara, we're emailing each other after last night." 

He nodded sympathetically. "Are you OK? Red kryptonite- it's no joke, when she gets like that. It's a harrowing experience."

"I'm- shaken," Lena admitted, "mostly I'm pissed at the guy who did it, so give that to your  boss!" She tapped her business card pointedly.

Winn nodded again. They finished their drinks and said their goodbyes. Lena didn't read the email until she left the bar, out of respect for her company, but it burned a hole in her pocket. She fidgeted and locked and unlocked her screen anxiously until she was in her car. Then, she finally read the email.

 

lenaluthor@lcorp.com  
subject: Re: OK, here goes:

I guess I'll go in order.

Yes, I was absolutely going to tell you, but as I realized how I felt about you, I feared for your safety if you knew, and I feared for my own emotional wellbeing, because Kryptonian monogamy is everlasting. Those are the two big ones. And I loved being able to just be Kara with you, not a reporter, not a soldier... just me. Eating potstickers and having way too many opinions about 90's boy bands and Disney movies. I wanted to preserve that easiness. 

You aren't safer alone, that is true, but you were never alone, Lena. I keep an ear out for you always. Even when we aren't together, you aren't alone.

I don't know when I was going to tell you. I was formulating a 'coming out' speech in my head, but I don't know when I was going to work up the courage to say it.

I feel like I need to answer question 3 before question 2. Yes, I want to do everything I admitted to last night, but I don't need you to do it. Imagine going back in time to the late 1800's and knowing how to make the things you can make today at L Corp. And not acting on it, because you are trying to fit in with the time and culture there, and you understand the dangers of disrupting organic scientific progression. If I made my own tech firm tomorrow, I'd put you out of business within a year. Your company isn't a factor in my feelings for you. I can't do the things I admitted I wanted to do because I would try to rebuild the world I knew, and I would break the world as we know it to do so. It's a Pandora's box I dare not open.

When I'm under the influence like I was yesterday, I stop caring about everything that holds me back. I want what I want and i don't care about the consequences. I want to create a world like the one I knew, I want to rule the world. I get megalomaniacal and sociopathic. It's really bad. I'm so sorry (I know you said not to say that anymore, but just one more time) I wish you hadn't seen me that way. I'm sorry I hurt and threatened you, I wish I could take it back. Are you OK? Tell me if there's anything you need from me. 

Last night I said something about the nature of the relationship of your brother and my cousin. It's... not entirely a lie. The Luthor mind is impressive. Your brilliance is absolutely a reason I feel the way I do, but your brothers mental illness isn't what I think of first when I think of your family or your name. Divorcing deeds from ideals, Lex had a great mind. You may be smarter than him. I've never met him, so that's speculation, but I think you are. And what you said about being complicit and redefining what your last name means to the world- you understand that and you work so hard to be good and right his wrongs. I love that about you. You strive for greatness and goodness, and it inspires me to do the same. If we were to never be together, I'd still keep that thought close and it would guide me through difficult times. I've admired it since I met you. And there's a million little reasons, like your sassy retorts to rude businessmen, or the fact that you had the novel concept of feeding me with a serving platter so I didn't drop potato all over your table.

I suppose I'll spell it in English as Zhrae-Hiim. It's never been translated to English before, so even I don't know the spelling. Maybe I'll show you my alphabet sometime and point out the letters.

I'm terrified to explain to you what it means, but you seem to understand already.

It's an observable chemical bond. My people's neurology has special neural pathways that recognize a Zhrae-Hiim. It's an immutable connection. So you know it's a throne room in a castle, and a room in a home, but the idea behind the idiom is that if every Kryptonian is their own home, then an unmatched person is a home waiting on their Zhrae-Hiim. It hasn't been entirely built, yet, and they won't reach their fullest potential until they're complete. (There are exceptions, asexuality was a thing there, and there was a community of people who were their own Zhrae-Hiim. That wasn't frowned upon, but it was somewhat unusual- When I got here, I supposed I'd be that. I planned to never find one, I didn't know I could find this bond in a partner who isn't like me until I met you)

My culture was reverent and serious, dedicated to duty, and happy that way. It didn't seem boring or arduous to spend all day every day doing our duty, we loved it. Our work was our pride. My people didn't worry about reaching sexual maturity. Sure, we would date after reaching puberty. There were even sexual mentors and dating sites and all, but if you weren't one another's Zhrae-Hiim, it was simply fun, it was practice. We focused on finding our passion first, turning that passion into duty, into work, and then, when we were settled into that, we understood that at some point someone would come along that just made our work richer, better, contributed and elevated everything we did, and we did the same for them. And once that bond is formed, it's nigh unbreakable. We don't fall out of love. It's why I'm terrified.

Humans can fall out of love. I didn't want to explain Zhrae-Hiim to you, because our minds work differently, I didn't want to scare you off. Someday, you may meet someone who matches you better than me. If you do, Lena Luthor, let me say it now, because I may not be able to say it then; do right by yourself. If you love someone more than me, leave me. But you're it for me. I know what Zhrae-Hiim is supposed to feel like, and it feels like a partner who inspires you and invigorates your desire to do your duty to the best of your ability. They make you better. And you are that for me. And please, I'm going to say this now, please don't ask me if I'm sure. There is no mistaking someone you get along with well with a Zhrae-Hiim.

So... that's what that means. My feelings for you will never diminish. I'm going to send this now, before I lose my nerve.

Kara

 

Maggie and Alex were wrapped together one end of the couch and Kara was tucked into the other side. Pocahontas was over, the food was eaten, and Kara had paused the movie to go for a beer run. Now three women were full and sleepy, chatting quietly, and the conversation turned to Kara's self-loathing when she was on red K. 

 

 

"I referred to myself in the 3rd person. I told Lena Kara Danvers was a mask. I keep coming back to that. I don't know what to make of it."

"It's indicative of something, though," Alex mused. "Would you like us to help you unpack it?"

"I'm almost afraid to," Kara admitted.

"Kara, red kryptonite makes you confront and act on impulses that you usually repress and avoid," Alex urged. "Maybe if you face them in your right state of mind, it won't affect you quite this way next time."

"Clark turns into a frat boy when this happens to him," Kara complained. "Why do I turn into an evil tyrant?"

"Kara, that's a really big question to try and answer," Maggie explained gently. "Maybe we could use a series of smaller questions to get there? Can we try that?"

"Yeah, we can do that," Kara acquiesced reluctantly. "But I'm going to make us stop if I start to melt down." She warned.

"Of course, Kara," Maggie acceded. Alex looked at her girlfriend with both nervousness and gratitude in her eyes, and Maggie gave her a reassuring Eskimo kiss before she turned back to Kara.

"Kara, you said you referred to Kara Danvers as a mask. What's behind the mask?"

"While I was on red k, I wanted to be called by my first name, Kara Zor-El, not my adoptive name." Kara moved to perch on the arm of the couch, tucked into herself. She stared intently at Maggie and rubbed her hands over her knees nervously.

"What was the significance of that distinction?"

"Zor-El is Kryptonian. Danvers is human. When I got to earth I rejected my Kryptonian identity to become human, to fit in."

"And last night, you were angry at yourself for it?"

"I'm proud of my Kryptonian heritage. I miss Krypton. I miss it so much it hurts to talk about."

"I haven't heard you speak of Krypton more deeply than in passing since we were kids," Alex interjected softly.

"As I adjusted, being human and living in the moment, focusing on my life here eased the pain of losing Krypton," Kara said.

"So you repressed that pain by not thinking about it," Maggie said.

"It didn't feel like I was repressing anything, it felt like I was moving forward. It was a _good_ thing. Only recently has Krypton been on my mind, but I didn't realize that sort of chasm existed between who I am on earth and my origins."

"Last night caught you very off guard," Maggie mused.

"I wanted to take my Kryptonian heritage and use it to turn earth into my version of Krypton." Kara's eyes filled with tears and she choked out her last point. "I want it back. I want to go home."

The tears poured over and she buried her face in her hands. A few sobs escaped her before she sniffled and stood up. She wiped her eyes and began to pace. "Crap, I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry, I've been like this all day. Ugh."

"It's OK, Kara," Alex reassured, standing. "Do you want to take a break?"

Kara nodded. Alex opened her arms and Kara fell into them. She nuzzled into her shoulder, wiping silent tears and snot onto her sweater. She didn't see Alex wipe tears from her own eyes or shoot Maggie a watery smile.

"Kara, I'm sorry I led you down this road," Maggie apologized. " I'm sorry I made you cry."

"It's OK, Maggie, I'm glad you did," Kara reassured her. "I think I want to talk about Krypton now."

Alex hung her head guiltily. "Kara, I'm so sorry I never talked to you about Krypton," she said.

Kara shook her head fiercely. "Al, I didn't talk to you- or anyone else about Krypton. You didn't fail me, OK, don't think that. I know you would have listened if I'd wanted to talk."

Kara sniffed, wiped her nose, and suddenly Alex pounced on her, tackling her into the couch in a big embrace. Kara laughed and hugged her back, allowing Alex to lay on top of her. It was a thing they did sometimes, Eliza had described it as deep pressure therapy, but it was more of a casual comfort thing for them. Maggie nursed her beer as watched on, unsure if she should say anything in the moment. Suddenly, a cheerful bird chirp sounded, and Kara scooped Alex up and deposited her inelegantly next to Maggie.

"That's Lena's tone!" She grabbed her phone to check the text, and smiled giddily at her phone. Maggie and Alex looked at each other perplexedly for a second before bursting into laughter.

"Aw, little Danvers is in love," Maggie cooed.

"What's it say?" Alex crawled towards her sister to read over her shoulder. Alex rolled her eyes towards her girlfriend.

"Miss you already," She read aloud, and added, "and she put a kissy face emoji!" Maggie cackled.

"And Little Luthor has it just as bad!"

"Guys, what should I say?" Kara fixed them with a anxious, wide-eyed stare.

"Probably literally _anything_ ," Maggie snarked, "I miss you too, What are you up to, I got a face tattoo and a mohawk today, how 'bout a booty call sexy ho..." Alex laughed and slapped Maggie's arm.

Kara was already typing. "I said the first two things." She nodded gratefully and put her phone on the table.

The atmosphere in the room calmed, and Kara looked at her two guests.

"Thanks for talking to me tonight, guys," she said. "I think I need to remember Krypton. I think I estranged myself from my roots too much, and I don't want to forget Krypton. It deserves better than that. It deserves to be remembered. I- I need to-" She crinkled her brow, then took a breath and sat up, looking stately and proud. 

"I'm the last daughter of Krypton. So I'm the last historian, the last expert, the last ambassador. Not Clark, not anyone else. The preservation of it's memory is my mantle to pick up, if I choose to, and... I choose to. Tonight, I'm choosing to. I am Kara Zor-El. It's time I remember that, and give my home it's due."

"Kara, that sounds like a great idea," Alex encouraged.

"Kara, you're Kryptonian. No one else on earth can say that the way can, not even superman. You shouldn't have to suppress that. You remember it. It defines you. And that's really special." Maggie seconded, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Kara nodded gratefully at them, then looked pensively at nothing, mulling everything over.

Lena's bird chirp sounded again. Neither Alex nor Maggie could track Kara's arm as she grabbed her phone.

Maggie laughed again and looked at Alex. "The speed with which she switches gears!"

"I mean, that's a thing she does, but I've never seen her this hung up on someone," Alex chuckled. 

"Yeah, Al, talk crap all you want, but I'll tell Maggie how bad you were about her!" Kara retorted absentmindedly, tapping at her phone.

"Oh, don't worry, Kar, I know your sister's a total disaster lesbian," Maggie chortled. Alex looked affronted and Kara giggled and nodded her assent.

"I'm not that bad!" Alex retaliated.

"Yeah, you are, but it's cute," Maggie hummed, giving Alex a peck on the lips. As Kara ignored them for her phone, Maggie waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Alex.

"Kara, it's getting late, you think you're OK if we head out?" Alex blurted.

Kara slapped her phone onto the table and sprang to attention. "Yeah, of course guys! Thank you so much for talking to me, I feel a lot better now. And it's pretty good timing, actually, I just asked Lena if I could call her to say goodnight after we're done here."

The three stood and hugged goodbye. Alex hugged Kara tightly for a long time, and suggested that she call Eliza. Kara squeezed Maggie warmly and thanked her for the impromptu therapy session.

"Detectives know how to ask questions," she shrugged. "I'm glad I could help."

 

Kara phoned Lena as soon as the door shut, and trapped the phone between her phone and ear as she cleaned up the mess from their dinner party.

"Kara! Hi, how are you?" Lena slurred a bit as she answered.

"Are you drunk, Miss Luthor?" Kara chided playfully.

"Your good friend Winn Shott was in the bar I went to after work and he showed me an awesome board game I've never played, and I had too much wine," She affirmed. Kara laughed.

"I gotta brush my teeth Lee, tell me about your night while I can't talk." 

Lena filled her in; the two played Shogun's Honor and scrabble ("He beat me twice!" Lena squealed. "Out of 6 times!") and talked about technology and their college days and ("a bunch of other nerdy stuff- he knows, like, everything about the sci-fi channel!"). Kara felt a swell of gratitude toward her friend, he was a happy spirit and she was glad Lena had someone to keep her company tonight.

"We talked about you, and red k." She noted hesitantly. Kara spat water out of her mouth so she could reply.

"Good, I hope you were able to talk about last night. Winn saw the last time I was on it, so he's a pretty good guy to discuss it with."

"He was informative. And comforting. Not gossipy, but it did make me feel better."

 "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Kara coaxed.

"You emailed me back. I just read it in the car, it's why I texted you," Lena replied. "I think I want to continue our conversation about us in person. This morning I said a week, but what stuck with me last night was how quickly one of us could be taken from the other, hurt or compromised. It gave me a sense of urgency."

"That sounds really good, Lena.  When and where do you want to meet up?"

"What are you doing tomorrow night? After work?"

 "My deadline for tomorrow is 4:30, but I might be editing until 5:30 or six." Kara explained. 

"Can I pick you up at seven? I know a quiet Italian restaurant where we can talk. It's discreet, we probably won't be overheard so we can talk about sensitive topics."

"Like a date?"

"Let's not call it that. It may be really serious, and I want our first date to be fluffier than that. But I want to see you as soon as I can," She admitted.

"I miss you, too, Lena," Kara said. Lena just sighed.

"If I was drunker, I'd probably ask you to sleep over," Lena said. "Not for sex, but I want to cuddle with you again."

Kara's stomach clenched. "Lena, are you home right now? Can I fly through just to give you a hug goodnight?"

"Yeah, I'm home," Lena said quietly after a moment of silence. "I'll take a hug goodnight."

Kara threw on her Supersuit. It took her 2 minutes to get to Lena. Lena was standing in her living in a sweatshirt and yoga pants, hair down and face scrubbed free of makeup. Kara's mouth fell open and she forgot to move, speak, or hug Lena like she'd meant to. Lena wiggled self-consciously under Kara's gaze. It was the Supersuit. It did things to her.

"You're staring," Lena murmured as the silence stretched out. Kara shambled forward like a man in a desert would move towards water.

"You're beautiful," Kara whispered reverently, wrapping Lena up and burying her nose in her hair.

"So are you," Lena responded, falling into the hug. They stood together for a long time, Kara combing her fingers through Lena's thick, soft hair, listening to her body. Lena's crooked fingers meandered over Kara's back under the cape.

The hand that wasn't in Lena's hair stroked dangerously low down Lena's back, and Kara shifted her hips. Lena rolled a bit against her, heart beginning to pick up speed. Her hands went to Kara's biceps.

"If I don't stop you now, I'm... going to ask to go further," She stammered. Kara stepped back. Lena slid her hands down to hold Kara's.

"Can I tuck you in?" Kara asked. Lena giggled. 

"That's the cutest shit I think I've ever heard," She breathed.

Kara shrugged. "You make me want to be cute. Can I?"

Lena nodded and tugged Kara's hand to lead them into the bedroom. She let go of Kara's hand to pull back her covers and climb in. She pulled the covers up under her chin and looked expectantly up at Kara. 

Kara pet her hair one last time and bent down to press a soft kiss to Lena's cheek. "Sweet dreams, Zhrae-Hiim."

Lena smiled back, "Goodnight, Zhrae-Hiim."

Kara swallowed hard, not sure if she liked that Lena said that. Lena seemed to sense her discomfort, and took her hand again.

"Kara, humans can be monogamous too, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you."

Kara smiled wide, reassured and hopeful. She hadn't realized how much she'd wanted to hear Lena say that. She bent down again to kiss Lena's forehead. Lena grabbed her face and tugged Kara forward so she could kiss her cheek as well.

Kara took her leave of Lena's home and flew high into the sky, almost to the edge of the atmosphere before she bundled her cape into her chest to reduce friction and relaxed her muscles, allowing herself to freefall towards the city below. Besides mildly tugging herself in the direction of her apartment building, she let gravity draw her gently down, slower than she'd normally fly if pushing herself at breakneck speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me how you liked it? I'm a sucker for Winn-Lena brotp and Maggie/Kara brotp so I had to give them some love. And Kara and Lena aren't done working it out yet, they got a few more conversations to go!


	4. Partnership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena have an unexpected encounter before their 'not-date' (AN: it's totally a date, they suck at not being romantic at each other, even in canon... so it's actually a date, but they ain't saying that)  
> Kara asks her cousin if they can take a field trip, Kara is surprised to see Lena somewhere, and it leads to a tiff.  
> And then they go to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how many chapters this fic is going to have at this point.  
> But, yea, I guess it is what it is, enjoy, and comment if you want.  
> As usual, expect all the bad grammar.

 

 

Lena woke up the next morning with a small headache, but feeling positive about the day. She went through her email in the car on the way to work, and in between reading those from her business associates, sometimes went back and reread Kara's.

 

Her brain kept working over what she would do if she were trapped in a technologically backwards world where she had the chance to move things forward. How, in theory, would you do that without hurting society? How would you introduce unnaturally rapid progression stably, without displacing industries or invoking the wrath of conservatives and traditionalists?

 

She was fascinated by how Kara saw the world. She had so many questions. She went through her morning on autopilot, mind locked onto that query.

 

Kara had thus far contented herself with not disturbing the waters, but was there a second option?

 

Lena's thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing. It was an unknown number.

 

"Lena Luthor speaking, who is this?"

 

"Ms. Luthor, it's Director J'onn with the DEO."

 

"Director! Good morning, how can I help you?"

 

"One of my agents, Winn Shott gave me this number, do you have a few moments to talk?"

 

"Of course," Lena replied, already guessing she knew what this was about.

 

"We are having some trouble finding the man who dosed Supergirl. Would you have time today to come to the DEO and help us out?"

 

"Of course! I have a meeting at 1 pm, but it shouldn't be too long. How's 2:30 sound?"

 

"Doable. Is it OK if we have our agents pick you up at L-Corp? It's location is undisclosed."

 

She rolled her eyes a bit, but agreed to be transported before ending the call. She looked at her clock and noticed it had just passed noon. She buzzed Jess.

 

"Jess, do you think you could make me a reservation for Pomodoro at 7pm tonight for Lena Luthor and one other?"

 

Jess promptly informed her the reservation was set, and Lena returned to work. She debated texting Kara. Would she see Kara at the DEO? Would she be out working for Catco?

In the end, work got in the way and stole all of her attention, she didn't have the time to text Kara before her business meeting. At 3:30 sharp the DEO vehicle picked her up, and she had a blindfold on as they drove.

 

She considered trying to keep track of turns, but as an olive branch to the mind-reading alien, she supposed she'd force herself to focus on something else. That something else, as usual, was Kara. Lena wondered if Kara knew already, from someone at the DEO, that Lena would be there.

 

The engine stopped, Lena's blindfold was pulled off, and she was escorted inside where J'onn and Alex Danvers were waiting for her.

 

They exchanged greetings and shook hands. Lena tried to get a read off of Alex, but she was blank- professional or unconcerned, Lena couldn't tell. That intrigued her, and she cast sidelong glances at Kara's sister as the meeting began.

 

"What did Kara tell you about the man who dosed her?" J'onn began.

 

"Nothing, we didn't even discuss it except here, with you, Agent Danvers."

 

Alex scrunched her forehead in concentration and put a leaden box on the table between the three of them. "She was shot with this."

 

Lena reached out to take a the metal dart in the box. "May I?" She asked before touching.

 

J'onn handed her a box of medical gloves from below the desk. She snapped a pair on and examined the dart. The needle gleamed grey, but she could see the tiniest sliver of green running up the needle. The workmanship was flawless.

 

"Is that green kryptonite?" She gawped. Alex and J'onn nodded.

 

"The whole exterior is made of lead, so Supergirl can't see or feel it's contents," Alex said. "That small of an amount of kryptonite is imperceptible to her from a distance, so he was able to sneak up on her, somehow, and get her before she saw what was coming."

 

Lena snarled her lip unconsciously. Visions of Kara's red streaked face sneering at her assaulted her mind, and she almost threw the dart into the box in her haste to be rid of it. She rapped her knuckles agitatedly on the table. How many more were there? It was really well-made. Who made it?

 

"She doesn't remember his name?"

 

"His first name is probably Ryan, and his last name probably starts with a B," J'onn filled in.

 

Lena sniffed. No, not him. Too easy.

 

"Did she give a physical description, or tell you the name of his company?" She inquired.

 

"She was a bit distracted yesterday, our debriefing was-" J'onn started.

 

"A little too brief," Alex supplied.

 

Lena nodded her understanding. "Well, I have one person in mind, and I can't think of any other Ryans, but I don't see how he could have done anything remotely this clever with

a substance as unknown as kryptonite. He's a- just-" She giggled despite herself and apologized.

 

"Um, a buffoon, I doubt it's him," She finished quickly, waving her hand dismissively. J'onn and Alex's expressions both quirked bemusedly at her outburst.

 

Suddenly, the door crashed open, and Supergirl glowered at them, tall and imposing. Lena's stomach plummeted. What was wrong with her now?

 

 

 

 

Kara's morning was quiet. The morning before she'd been at Lena's and she found she already missed waking up next to her. She cooked herself a big pot of oatmeal and went about her usual routine with Lena in her mind. Before she left her house, she looked through her photos and found one of Lena smiling on Kara's couch with lo mein hanging from her mouth. Kara made it her home screen. She went to Catco to talk to Snapper about Supergirl and the situation with Ryan B. If Supergirl decided she didn't want to talk to the press, Snapper couldn't come down on Kara for that. But she got brownie points when she brought him potential stories, so she let him know before he released her into the wild to sniff out stories.

 

Outside, she texted her cousin. _Hey, do you think you and I could go to the fortress of solitude? I kinda want to talk to Kelex._

 

He sent back a few question marks. She had no clue how to answer. He wasn't a part of her emotional support system. Telling him she was in the middle of an identity crisis felt awkward.

 

_I just need to talk to Kryptonian AIs about some things- yours as well as mine,_ She extrapolated.

 

_Sure, we just need to work out a time. Is there a new baddie? Do you need help?_

 

Clark and Kara weren't close. She was a pre-teen when he was establishing a vigilante career, she didn't become a superhero right away when she grew up. They were family, but they weren't close.

 

_No, this is about me. I'm reacquainting myself with Krypton._

 

_OK. Tell me some times you may be able to go, so we can work out a get-away time between fightin' and journalin' :)_

 

He was a good kid. He always had been. She remembered him toddling from Jor-El's knee to show her the half-eaten dumpling (the very same food that made her love gyoza on earth- it'd been his favorite too, on Krypton) he had carried around during a family get together. She'd never told him, but she was his hero when he was a baby. Jor and Zor would get together and Kar would pick her little cousin up and carry him through the grounds of her family's home, putting plants and rocks in his chubby little fists, teaching him their names, and hold him up proudly, standing next to her uncle as he bragged about his inquisitive son to party-goers. Happy times. Talking to Clark reminded her of these things. She noted that she didn't text him often, and realized maybe that was why.

 

Kal didn't remember that. But he made a name for himself  on earth, without Kara's help, and Kara knew her uncle would be proud of his son. She often wondered if he'd ultimately been better for her absence. It made her stomach churn. Was she redundant? Was her presence unnecessary? Was she unwanted?

 

She drove that thought away. No one but her remembered Krypton. She had a purpose. She remembered Krypton.

 

At least one of them could truly call earth home. Even if Kal didn't understand his roots, Kara remembered for both of them.

 

Sometimes, half-asleep, late at night, the dream-state Kryptonian family in her head would accuse her of leaving him behind, and she'd twist in her bed, silently accusing them of putting her in a malfunctioning pod, rocketing her off into space, alone and helpless. She'd been knocked off course. He'd been human for his whole life by the time she'd met him. Then, she'd been the child, sent away to be cared for, sent to a home she didn't know.

 

It didn't occur to him to see her as his elder, his mentor.

 

On Catco's roof, she put her Supersuit on. She'd been less than active these last few days, and her presence in the city tended to keep criminals on the straight-and-narrow, and kept citizens feeling safe.

 

She opened her phone before she took off, and opened her photo gallery. She flipped through and found a photo of Lena making a silly face at a glass of white wine. It had been taken at a wine-tasting. Lena preferred red. Kara made it her lock screen.

 

She fought some crime, she thought of Lena, she changed her clothes, she interviewed some people, she thought of Lena, she wrote an article, she thought of Lena. She went to the DEO. A sweet, tinkering giggle floated through her ears... she heard Lena?

 

"Um... a buffoon..." She listened closer and ugly pressure rose though her chest to harden in her throat and choke her and she stomped towards the sound. She x-rayed the room, and Alex and J'onn had Lena with them.

 

She crunched the doorknob a little as she opened the door.

 

Lena and Alex jumped. J'onn looked at her with an unapologetic expression. She looked at him for a second in silent conversation before meeting either Lena's or Alex's eyes. She cleared her throat.

 

"Hello all, what are we up to this afternoon?" She greeted, really trying not to sound furious.

 

"Kara-" Alex started, at the same time Lena said "Hello, Kara, how are you today?"

 

"Lena, it's good to see you... here... at the DEO. What are we talking about?" Kara smiled through gritted teeth.

 

"We're discussing potential suspects who could have dosed you." J'onn growled to her with a warning tone.

 

"Do you think I could steal her for a moment?" Kara asked her fellow agents.

 

Lena looked to the two others, they nodded their heads tentatively. Lena rose from her seat and followed Supergirl to a quiet corner of the base.

 

"What are you doing here?" Kara hissed.

 

"Should I not be here?" Lena challenged. Kara tossed her hands up in frustration.

 

'It's a bit disconcerting, is all," she groused.

 

"Why? I'm not allowed to be a part of this??" Lena accused.

 

"The stuff we do here- the fights, the missions- is _exactly_ the reason I'm terrified for your safety!" Kara spat.

 

"I'm not fighting, I'm helping you find a smarmy businessman, Kara, I'm fine! And I have a better idea of who you're looking for than you have!" Lena returned.

 

Kara whirled in a circle and groaned, rubbing her eyes.

 

"We've been fine before," Kara said defensively.

 

"You're usually fighting criminals and aliens. This is the CEO of a STEM company. OK? This is my forte."

 Lena's anger was rising. What was Kara doing right now?

 

"It's not safe! I'm terrified of you getting hurt, Lena-"

 

"OK, Kara, I'm just going to stop you right there. _You_ got hurt by this guy, and you came to hurt _me_. The best course of action is to catch him as soon as possible." Lena stepped to Kara's chest and folded her arms crossly.

 

Kara rolled her eyes. "Winn's figuring it out, he's-"

 

"At a loss to find anything about where the dart came from, he hasn't even _begun_ to find any leads," Lena finished.

 

Kara faltered, pouting. "Lena, I just don't want you to get hurt," she pleaded.

 

"Taking me aside to scold me while I'm trying help you isn't going to keep me safe, Kara," Lena argued.

 

"Working with the DEO will get you hurt, Lena!" Kara shot back.

 

Lena took a deep, steady breath in, and stepped further into Kara's space, holding her face an inch or so from Kara's as she spoke quietly.

 

"Right now there is someone out there with darts that will shoot you with red kryptonite and the DEO has less information to track him down in this whole base than I have just in my memory alone. He's out there waiting for you, Kara, and if you think I'm going to go about my daily activities without worrying about that, you are wrong."

 

"I can handle-" Kara tried to butt in.

 

"Because I'm afraid for myself too, because I made you a promise to find you more red k, Kara, and if you are dosed again, I will be having a very uncomfortable _facedown_ with Evil Kara Zor-El." Lena finished harshly.

 

Kara's face fell open in horror.

 

"We need to find this guy and make sure this doesn't happen again. I heard you didn't give a physical description. If I get one, I'll be better able to narrow down possibilities. Which I have a better chance of doing than your colleagues right now, so would you like get in there and help us, or stay out here berating me?"

 

Lena was shaking when she finished. She didn't realize how amped up she was about this situation, but her reactions to things kept proving to herself how off-kilter she was.

 

Kara looked remorsefully at the floor.

 

"I'm sorry, Lena, I just... I'm scared of this, I hoped keeping you away from it would-"

 

"Would result in you threatening to rape me in my office?" Lena felt remorseful as soon as she said it. Kara flinched and danced guiltily away, cape curling around her spasming frame as through to comfort her.

 

Lena dropped her forehead onto her fist. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I just-"

 

"No, you're not wrong Lena, I'm sorry-"

 

"No, Kara, wait, I 'm still not done.  Your boss invited me here for a consultation about a suspect, and it isn't your job to object to my input. He made the executive decision that I may have useful information, and that is between him and I. Your heroic need to keep me out of your world has done nothing to keep me safe in the past. And what about zhrae-hiim? I thought it meant we'd be partners? Equals. Is that going to be one -sided? Because I'm _not_ going to sit on the sidelines while you try to keep me at a distance to protect me," Lena snapped. Kara looked at her boots.

 

"I just want to keep you safe, Lena..." Kara sighed.

 

"But you're not, Kara! I'm _not_ safer for your keeping me in ignorance! I'm _smart_ , and I can take care of myself! But I can't protect myself if I'm denied _crucial information!_ Is that going to be a theme in our relationship? Because it's unacceptable!" Lena stormed.

 

"You're right, Lena, you're right!" Kara cried. "I'm sorry, no, I'm not honoring us by distancing you, I'm sorry!"

 

Lena breathed deep. "Kara, you are going to let me be a part of this. We can't be together if you try to keep me from this."

 

"OK," Kara agreed immediately.

 

"You need to let me in. I worry about you, too," Lena pleaded.

 

"Yes, OK.' Kara hung her head.

 

"I can't be with you if you're going to lie to me to protect me," Lena laid down. "I'm _always_ going to be better protected when I know what is going on."

 

"OK, Lena," Kara acceded. Lena threw back her shoulders. She waved her arm towards the office J'onn and Alex both still sat in.

 

"Will you get in there with us?" she asked. Kara jerked her head in something resembling a nod, swung her cape dramatically around her and slumped towards the office.

Lena drew in a breath and followed genteelly.

 

J'onn moved away from Alex , they both looked a little guilty- and a little impressed. Lena suspected that J'onn had been eavesdropping.

 

She looked him in the eye. _That's a little unprofessional, don't you think, director?_

 

His face gave away nothing. She moved on to look at Kara.

 

"Can I get a physical description of him? There's a chance I know who it is..."

 

"Brunette, between 5'6 and 6', expensive suit, arrogant, a lanky, gawky type of thin, like an overgrown teenager."

 

That was... the least helpful description Lena had ever heard. Did Kara know she had just described half the CEO's she'd ever met in her life? "This question may seem weird, but did he have oddly shaped lips and a face like a bear cub?"

 

Everyone turned their heads to her, Alex and J'onn looked very confused. Kara's face had a swirling mix of disgust, irritation, and recognition.

 

"Yes? Actually, he kinda did, now that you mention it."

 

Lena huffed a laugh and shook her head in disbelief. "Was his name..." She rolled her eyes at even going down this route. "Ryan Borkowski?"

 

Kara's eyes widened at Lena. No. Freaking. Way. Lena bit her lips, she huffed a breath, then she laughed. She didn't mean to, she did want to... she was pissed, and worried, and she was trying to make a good impression, but...

 

"My god." She chuckled. "I apologize, but... he's one of the least respected CEO's in the field."

 

Kara fidgeted in her seat. "I think I remember him saying he owned a conglomerate that made yours look like blockbuster video."

 

Lena cackled again, put a hand over her mouth to compose herself.  "I think he probably meant to say _his_ company is going the way of blockbuster video."

 

Kara smiled shyly at her and itched her eyebrow. Alex's lips were quirked and J'onn's were trembling with the effort of keeping them straight.

 

Lena smiled at the room and explained, "He owns a software company called Jukt Micronics. His father Charles Borkowski founded the company, and he _was_ good at his job. He had a heart attack 2 years ago, retired and died shortly thereafter, leaving Ryan in charge, but he's frat boy- he hired a bunch of his friends to sit on the board and other executive positions, and all they do is underpay their workers, take away benefits annually, and most of their computer scientists have jumped ship for better companies, so it's just filled from top to bottom with incompetence."

 

"He doesn't sound smart enough to make a dart like this and get to Supergirl," Alex muttered thoughtfully. Kara nodded beside her, arms crossed.

 

"He isn't, that's why I thought it wasn't him! He didn't make this dart, his is a software company, not a tech firm. I-"

 

Lena's eyes bugged out and she picked the dart up, muttering to herself. She prodded at the thing, flicked the metal, ran her hands along the needle, inspecting it closely.

 

J'onn jumped a bit every time she ran her naked fingers over the evidence, and he and Alex both winced when she slammed it back into it's box.

 

"It's Luthorcorp. Lex must have made it for- personal reasons-" She looked at Kara knowingly as she said this, "It doesn't have our logo, but I knew it just seemed familiar. The precision, the attention to detail- my brother made this."

 

"How would Ryan have gotten it?" Kara asked.

 

Lena scratched her chin, considering the question. "Ryan is a joke, but when his father was in charge, he was well-respected, Lex and Lionel both liked him. He actually designed some Luthorcorp software, but we stopped using Jukt anything when Ryan started running the company into the ground."

 

"So you think Lex gave Charles weapons for fighting Supers?"

 

"I doubt that, more likely Jukt technicians still have access to our warehouses that still run on old systems with Jukt software."

 

"Wait, so all you need to do is run a check on all your warehouses that have Jukt software and Super-fighting weapons?" Alex asked excitedly.

 

"Yea, and then I need to ask the foreman when the last time Jukt has come by, and hopefully there will be cameras showing them leaving with something." Lena nodded at Alex.

 

"That is, assuming it' isn't shuttered. Most of Lex's old hobby-oriented buildings are out of use until I create inventory what's inside and destroy a lot of his stuff."

 

"You haven't destroyed it all yet?" Kara asked with a note of worry in her tone.

 

"I haven't gotten to every manufacturing plant and warehouse we own, because I only audit a certain number of locations per quarter for budget reasons, and I'm not going to destroy things without logging their schematics. They may be intended for violence, but everything can be repurposed; Even the gas used in World War 2 was altered to be a pesticide. Evil tools get made, but tools are tools, and we can remake them for peaceful and beneficial ends."

 

Alex and J'onn looked at each other, then Kara, then Lena again. Kara had a small, but proud smile on her face. It fell off quickly and she cocked her head. "Um, I still feel like it's a really dumb, roundabout, ineffective method to destroy a competitor. What was his plan once I killed you?"

 

"Kara," Lena giggled, "You just described his entire business sense in a nutshell." Both Danvers sisters snorted and even J'onn smiled.

 

"OK, so let's take this idiot down," Kara said.

 

The meeting went on for another hour after that. They still needed to formulate a plan to get to Ryan. Lena surprised the room with her strategic thinking,  even Kara. Kara tried to keep the overprotectiveness she'd shown earlier in check, Lena noticed and appreciated it. When they had confirmed the plan, they all left the room.

 

Lena grabbed Kara to tell her she had to go right away, Kara put a hand on her shoulder.

 

"About earlier; I- I was caught off-guard, when I saw you here, I- I get scared. I'm really sorry, we are supposed to be partners, and you were great in there."

 

"It's OK, Kara, I realize how high the stakes are here, and I understand there may be an adjustment period." Lena put a hand on Kara's forearm and a hand on her waist. "We talked it out, you got over it, and you let me help. As long as we can do that, hiccups are inevitable. We're going to be fine."

 

Kara smile shyly. "Yeah, OK."

 

"OK," Lena replied, then arched a brow, "But you promised me a partnership, and I'm holding you to that."

 

Kara nodded, "Good."

 

"So I'll see you at 7?"

 

Kara's grin got wider and cheesier. "See you at seven."

 

Lena walked away, got in the car with her escorts, and allowed herself to be blindfolded again.

 

 

 

  
Kara and Alex had a few minutes to talk before Kara had to be to Catco.

 

"You didn't tell me she was going to be at the DEO," Kara noted.

 

Alex shrugged. "J'onn only decided to bring her in today after Winn talked her up."

 

"The idea of her here, getting into the stuff we do scares me," Kara confessed.

 

"You might have to get used to it. J'onn likes her," Alex told her.

 

"He said that?"

 

"He said she's smart and she could be a valuable asset. He even- I think- made an implication that L-Corp could become one of our tech suppliers."

 

Kara rolled her shoulders and grimaced. "Our job is so dangerous, Alex."

 

"Kara, our job is dangerous for us," Alex specified. "Winn is, for the most part, safe. He stays in the base, hacking and stuff. We're never going to let Lena in the field, she doesn't even work for us, just outside consultation and maybe production. She's not in danger."

 

"I know, but- ugh, I freaked out on her a little."

 

"I know."

 

"You and J'onn totally listened in, huh?"

 

"J'onn didn't do it on purpose, Lena's brain was just- kind of loud. He didn't really say much to me, he just noticed that you were protective- and he told me she put you in your place."

 

Kara smiled and blushed. "Yeah, she did, a little."

 

Alex chuckled, "You know, when you started being Supergirl, I was really scared for you. I wanted you to not, remember?"

 

"Uh, yeah, I remember. Boy, do I remember." Kara rolled her eyes to drive the point home.

 

Alex shoved her lightly. "You can't stop her from doing what she's going to do, it's not even your job to do that. I learned that the hard way. What you can do is work with her and have her back. And trust her."

 

"I do. I'm going to."

 

The sisters hugged it out and Kara returned to Catco. She kept herself focused on work and not the dinner-that's-not-a-date. She went home, showered, cleaned her house. She tried on outfits. Time felt like it dragged on, but as soon as Kara read the time on her phone, 6:50, she felt like it had flown by, and suddenly she felt woefully unprepared for whatever was going to come next.

 

Kara sat on her couch in a short, flowy black dress, x-ray vision looking outside for Lena. She watched her as she walked up, watched her smooth her own dress at the top of the stairs, and take a deep breath. She watched her take another breath at the door, raise her hand to knock, and turn around, tangling her fingers together nervously.

 

Kara wished she could find the courage to walk up the door and open it, but her chest was constricting at just seeing Lena. Email had been easier, there was distance. They hadn't talked, face to face, about that night, about their relationship before. They still had to talk about their relationship now.

 

Tonight was the night. She could feel it, they'd managed one email each before Lena had asked to just say what they needed to say in person. She was tired, Lena was tired. By the end of the night, everything was going to be different.

 

Kara stood and walked forward with careful, measured steps. Her hand hovered above the doorknob in anticipation.

Lena squared her shoulders, turned back to the door.

 

She lifted her fist, wavered for a second, and tapped the door.

 

Lena's knuckled hadn't even pulled back from the wood before Kara swung the door open.

 

"Hi."

 

"Hi."

 

They both stood awkwardly, considering the other. Should Kara compliment Lena's dress? It was a snug, dark blue off the shoulder number, one of Kara's favorite. Kara opened her mouth.

 

"Um, the car is downstairs, if- if you're ready," Lena stuttered.

 

Kara nodded at Lena, "Yeah, yeah, I am."

 

Kara stepped over the doorjamb and closed the door. She swiveled her head around, hands reaching for...

 

"Oh, um, my purse is..." Kara stumbled back inside and opened it.

 

Lena's heart was pounding, but she giggled a bit as Kara grabbed her purse and stumbled back outside.

 

"OK, shall we go?" Kara asked, smiling anxiously at her not-date. Lena nodded.

  
Lena led them into the quiet, candlelit restaurant. She requested a corner table where she could see all the entrances. When they got to the table, they both tried to move into the booth that was against the wall. They bumped into each other and laughed.

 

Lena faltered before she sat with her back to the restaurant. Kara sat opposite her, her eyes scanned the room before they settled on Lena. A waiter silently brought them waters and menus. Lena asked him for a wine with a name Kara couldn't pronounce.

 

"This place looks really fancy." Kara noted.

 

"It may or may not have a bit of a waiting list."

 

Kara looked again around the restaurant. "How much of a waiting list?"

 

"Oh, I have no clue, it doesn't apply to me. I meant that literally; it _may or may not_ have a waiting list," Lena quipped.

 

Kara pushed her glasses up her nose and giggled.

 

"How much do the plates cost?"

 

"Not sure, prices aren't listed and a lot of dishes are seasonal."

 

"And this isn't a date?"

 

"No, I just love Italian, and this is the best Italian in the city."

 

"And where are we going to go for our first date?"

 

"Either the best Chinese or best pizza in the city," Lena shrugged.

 

"I feel like I should just order one hundred free bread rolls," Kara said in a small voice.

 

Lena grinned and leaned forward in her seat.

 

"Actually, I have a request."

 

"Oh, sure, anything!"

 

"I love pretty much everything on the menu and I usually have to just order one thing. If I order, like, 7 things, can I just have bites off of all the plates and you can eat everything else?"

 

Kara scrutinized Lena before asking cautiously, "How big are the plates?"

 

Lena considered this. "If I order, like, 9 things, can I just have bites from all the plates?"

 

Kara giggled. "OK, sure." Lena squealed quietly and wiggled in her seat. Kara beamed at her, and they both went still for a minute before Lena admitted, "I'm glad to see you. I feel like I haven't seen you since before that night."

 

"It was only two nights ago, but it feels longer. What did you do yesterday after I left?"

 

"I went about my business. Routine centers me. Focusing on my external environment is helpful."

 

Kara nodded. "I get that. I usually do the same thing, that's what I actually did, but... I kinda freaked out a couple times."

 

Lena tilted her head, but Kara shrunk back, evasive. "It was just a weird day. Alex and Maggie helped me figure it out."

 

"I'm glad. Can I ask what happened?"

 

"I just... talking about Kara Danvers in the 3rd person made me realize I had pushed down a very integral part of myself."

 

"Your heritage."

 

"It felt better, for a while. When I first got here, I refused to learn about or accept anything for a while. I even tried not to learn the language. Which was really hard, because I'm a really fast learner. Then once I started to embrace earth culture, I made myself stop remembering my own. I think that red k brought it all to the surface, and I think it's sort of asserting it's presence in my mind." Kara looked at the table while she spoke.

 

"Well, it kind of- this may be a stretch, but it sounds like a very unique case of the 4 stages of grief."

 

Kara cocked her head, but the arrival of a waiter interrupted their conversation. He put the bottle of wine and two glasses bread , oil and vinegar on the table, and took Lena's appetizer order.

 

They waited for the server to leave and plated their food before Kara quietly asked Lena to go on.

 

"Well," Lena began, after taking a healthy gulp of wine, "anger and isolation, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In no particular order."

Kara nodded that she was following.

 

"It... um, should I not even try to psychoanalyze you? It seems- a bit precocious."

 

"It's the theme of the day," Kara allowed. "It may help."

 

"Well, it sounds like there was an ongoing mix of anger, isolation- first from earth's customs, then from your memories of Krypton- and depression. And bargaining?"

 

Kara nodded. "Yeah, there was bargaining. Every morning before I opened my eyes I would beg Rao to wake up in my own bed on Krypton. It still happens sometimes, when i'm having a rough go of it."

 

"Maybe talking about Krypton will be a new form of acceptance. It sounds like it's a good thing."

 

"That's... I didn't really think of it like that," she murmured into her wine glass.

 

"Um... it's just a theory," Lena concluded self-consciously.

 

"It's a good one," Kara said. She shook her head, changed the subject.

 

"Um, so how are you?" She asked, leaning forward sympathetically.

 

"What about me?" Lena returned.

 

"Lena," Kara sighed.

 

"You scared me," Lena admitted. "You made me nervous, but I meant what I've been saying."

 

Lena took Kara's hand. "It made me feel rushed. It made me realize how quickly we could be taken from each other. I wanted this, and I was waiting for the right time... the worst thing about it was it made us have to confront this from such an unpleasant place. I want to be with you, I'm really happy that finally is happening, and I'm angry that the kryptonite tainted that for us."

 

Kara nodded, "I feel the same way, but I... threatened you, I threw you..."

 

"You did, and I'm probably going to need you to be careful with me for a while, at least physically, but I know you weren't in your right mind, and I'm still mostly angry that you were dosed, and figuring out it was Ryan today and coming up with a plan of attack..."  
   
Lena's hand slid off of Kara's as she leaned back in her seat and took satisfied sip of wine. "That felt good."

 

Kara broke into another proud smile. Lena had to look away, she turned to butter under gazes like that from Kara.

 

"You were awesome today, Lena, it was... pfff, it was impressive watching you strategize."

 

Lena blushed and bit her lip.

 

"It was sexy."

 

Lena rolled her eyes at Kara. "Keep talking like that, and you won't get all your food." It was Kara's turn to blush.

 

Dinner continued in that vein, talking about their relationship, their pasts and their futures, theorizing about tech Lena was making and even tech she could make for the DEO. The food was phenomenal, Kara shoveled down stuffed shells and chicken parmigiana and seafood scampi. She laughingly backed away in horror as Lena tried to get her to eat the lettuce from the antipasto salad, before obediently opening her mouth for Lena, just to pop a roll of meat and cheese in and again duck away from the offending vegetable. Kara begged Lena to tell her which one was eggplant parmigiana and which one was lasagna, and Lena said if Kara could tell which one was which, she didn't have to eat it.

Kara took a suspicious bite of both. She looked down at the eggplant parmigiana and narrowed her eyes at Lena.

"It's yummy." Lena did a small victory dance in her seat, which made Kara laugh.

  
Lena and Kara climbed into Lena's town car, and the sudden proximity and quiet made Lena flush. Kara looked down, played with the hem of her dress. Lena's mouth went dry as she watched Kara's hand twitch over smooth, creamy thigh.

 

She took one of Kara's fidgeting hands, kept their linked hands in Kara's lap.

 

Kara went completely still and looked at Lena. Something must have changed in her, recently, because she wasn't the shy, jumpy nerd Lena was used to. She was still nervous, still a little bumbling, but there was a wiser calmness to her demeanor, now, and the physical grace she knew Kara had to have to not break the world around her was more openly displayed.

 

Kara's fingers were sure and sensuous, not trembling, not tripping over themselves as they rose to trace the lines of Lena's face.

 

Kara's voice was simultaneously quiet and confident as she asked if she could kiss Lena.

 

Lena was the one blushing and trembling as she squeaked out a noise of admission.

 

The pads of Kara's fingers pressed gently into Lena's jaw to guide their heads together. She just barely touched her bottom lip to Lena's, she let Lena fall into the kiss, locking their lips together and cradling Kara's face in her hands.

 

They moved slowly together, reveling in the feel of one another, letting their lips push and pull at each other, letting hands slide up and down their bodies. Lena was so lost in Kara she barely registered that Kara had her arm hooked under Lena's thighs by the knees and was drawing her into her lap, but when Lena realized her new position she just whimpered and held tighter to Kara.

 

"I don't want you to go," Lena sighed against Kara's mouth when the car halted.

 

"What do you want to do?" Kara asked.

 

"Come upstairs with me," Lena asked. "Just... let's spend time together."

 

"Yeah, I'd like that."

 

Kara leaned against the Kitchen counter while Lena brewed tea. They stood together in silence, watching the cups steep.

 

"I want to kiss you again," Lena whispered.

 

Kara bit her lip coyly and nodded. Lena wrapped herself around Kara, Kara drank Lena in greedily. Lena grabbed Kara's face, hair, neck, to draw her closer.

They panted and pressed against each other.  Kara held Lena, tugged and pawed at her to draw her closer, but didn't move towards Lena's bed until Lena gasped the word into her mouth.

 

Lena had no idea how it happened, she was pinned to her kitchen counter, but as soon as she'd made the suggestion she found herself laying in her bed, covered in Kara, who was licking and sucking at Lena's mouth desperately. Lena's legs were somehow spread around Kara, Kara rolling her hips between them.

 

Suddenly, Lena's vision was assaulted by Kara's harsh, red k sneer. She remembered an unfamiliar steel grip prying her legs apart. Cold fear slithered down Lena's spine, Kara felt heavy and dangerous against her body.

 

"Kara, wait, wait," She gasped, pushing their hips apart.

 

"Are you OK?" Kara asked, pulling back, but still stroking her palm up and down the thigh Lena had hooked around her waist. 

 

"Slow down- I-" Lena looked into blue eyes that had gone nearly entirely black with arousal.

 

"Show me it's you," Lena had no clue what she meant by that. Kara looked confused as well, but she relaxed the muscles of her body and pushed Lena's leg down. She moved her hips away from Lena. She pulled away. Lena whined, her legs shook.

 

"Don't go away," Lena pleaded to Kara's receding form.

 

Kara stilled and looked softly into Lena's eyes.

 

"Put me where you want me, love, " Kara told Lena.

 

Lena pressed her hand to Kara's chest and flipped them over. She looked at Kara, who was staring back at her, hard-eyed and struggling to control her breathing.

 

"Um, can we just lay together for a bit?" Lena asked, tucking herself into Kara.

 

"Yeah, that's OK. We should probably wait anyways," Kara suggested.

 

Kara shifted a bit too her side, but kept Lena close. Their faces were close, their legs were tangled. Lena put her hand on Kara's jaw and gave her one soft kiss before she laid her head back on her pillow.

 

"Are you alright?" Kara asked. Lena nodded.

 

"I just need a minute. I got overwhelmed."

 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone so fast."

 

"Yeah, I think that was a little fast. It reminded me of how you were acting that night, but I'm OK now- just, be gentle with me for a while."

 

"OK, I will." Kara looked so guilty and worried. Lena cuddled, pulled her in closer.

 

"It's fine, we're fine. Just check in with me, stop when I ask. I think, when we do go through with this, I'm going to want you to be slow." Lena kissed her again. Kara held her close, but remained still, letting Lena take the lead. Lena swung a leg back over her, but otherwise it was just their lips that connected.

 

Even so, it felt wonderful. Lena's body fit perfectly into Kara's and Kara curled her arms around her curves. Every once in a while Kara's grip would tighten slightly and she'd lift and move Lena like she was weightless and Lena's belly would flip and the heat built in her body would coalesce and converge between her thighs.

 

After a while they pulled their tangled lips apart and laid their heads back on the pillows, smiling sleepily at each other.

 

"Tell me about Krypton," Lena whispered. Kara looked scared, for a minute, then thoughtful. Presently, she began to speak.

 

"It was an old planet, with a long history. When it was destroyed, it was millennia into it's technological age, and it took millennia for us to even get there. Kryptonians are proud, traditional idealists. Highly intelligent, but cautious and stubborn. You think progression is painstaking here? We fought terrible wars over every major advancement suggested."

 

Kara shifted, put her head into the crook of Lena's shoulder and hugged around her. "The House of El, my family, was one of the ruling classes. The was a huge war on Krypton, and the people separated from each other to separate citadels, and The house of El ruled our citadel. I was going to be a scientist, like my father."

"I had a fast-tracked education in the sciences, it's why I'm so careful here not to try anything, because it was going to be my life's pursuit. I'm afraid if I allowed myself to pursue it here... well, you know. It's hard not to take it as far as I can I know I can take it."

 

"But that's the nature of hubris, isn't it? It's what destroyed my planet. My people had great technology and differing opinions. A people so intelligent in tool making, but not wise enough in matters of diplomacy and peace-keeping equipped with weapons of mass-destruction. I can't let it happen here, I can't have a hand in it. I've seen it before."

 

Kara voice was growing tighter, she rubbed her eyes on Lena before she continued. "Here, if I can be a journalist, a teacher, maybe I can sway public opinion towards peace and progression, instead of war and brinkmanship. Maybe I can use what I've seen to guide humanity towards a better fate. That's the idea, anyways."

 

Lena held Kara close as her voice slowed and quieted. She toyed with a strand of Kara's hair and considered, once again, Kara's life and perspective.

 

"I know you can," she whispered into the darkness, and fell asleep with Kara curled around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really, really hard to get this out in a timely fashion and research Krypton enough to speak knowledgeably about it, so I had to be all vague with it.  
> Also they maybe shouldve been more negotiate-y over dinner, but I am a slut for fluff after some good angst. D:

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first multi chapter fic on AO3 (and my first time writing fanfiction, actually, so I'm still familiarizing myself with how the site works). So if you see a lot of mistakes... that's cuz I made them! :D


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